Zodiac signs have unique characteristics that can help in finding a life partner. Compatibility is largely based on personality traits, and understanding your zodiac sign and its compatibility can help you make better decisions for yourself and the relationships you develop.
To test the level of compatibility between two Zodiac signs, use our Zodiac Love Compatibility Calculator to discover the affinity links you share with other signs. This will help you determine if you are the right match for your partner and if they are soul mates, best friends, or potential disasters. Even opposites can attract compatible partners.
By gaining a deeper understanding of your zodiac sign and its compatibility, you can make better decisions for yourself and the relationships you develop. Love horoscopes can help you find compatible chemistry with any zodiac sign, but it’s not the only factor that can make a relationship successful. Astrology suggests marrying your zodiac opposite or a star sign that shares the same element.
Expert astrologers at Sanctuary offer advice for working with colleagues of every sign, and while some signs are more compatible than others, it doesn’t mean you’re doomed. By understanding your zodiac sign and its compatibility, you can make better decisions for yourself and the relationships you form.
📹 The BIG SIGNS You Should KEEP TRYING With Him | Matthew Hussey
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How important is Zodiac compatibility in a relationship?
Zodiac compatibility can help identify similar traits in a partner, but commitment, dedication, and love are also crucial for a successful relationship. This cannot be determined by one’s zodiac sign, but if one truly loves their partner, they can find ways to address issues. For example, a Sagittarian married to a Scorpio for five years has found that their different zodiac signs have strengthened their bond, as they complement each other and add a new dimension to their bond.
However, no two people are the same, and issues may still arise. For example, a Libran married to a Cancer, their relationship is highly incompatible, but they have been sailing smoothly for the past 12 years. Despite these challenges, the love and commitment of both partners can help overcome any issues that may arise in their relationship.
What is compatibility horoscope?
Astrological compatibility (synastry) is a branch of astrology that aims to show compatibility between romantic partners. A natal horoscope is a chart or map of the angles of the planets in the Solar System and their positions in the zodiac at the exact time of a person’s birth. These angles represent the positive and negative relationships between the planets, describing the relationship between the two people under consideration. Compatibility between Zodiac signs is always approached within a particular branch of astrological tradition: Western astrology, Vedic astrology, or Chinese astrology.
Carl Jung’s work in his book Synchronicity demonstrated the principle of synchrony. He found a correlation between married couples that matched astrological prediction, but could not find a causal relationship to explain his correlations. He termed Synchronicity an acausal principle.
The Hindu/Indian system of examining compatibility based on horoscopes of the aspirant couple is unique. The fundamental concept of matching horoscopes emanates from constellations occupied by the Ascendant/Lagna (Lagna) at the time of births of bride and groom. Various constellations represent different natures, such as casts, animals, sex, Gana (God/man/demon), humor, birds, primordial elements, Gotra, directions ruled, consonants and vowels, mutual harmony and repulsion with certain stars, and beneficence to other stars by virtue of mutual distance.
Why do people ask about zodiac signs?
Astrology is the study of the influence of distant celestial bodies on human lives, with twelve zodiac signs based on birth: Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, and Capricorn. These signs are often used to predict futures and personalities. Many people use astrological signs to determine their sense of self, posting their signs on social media and reading weekly horoscopes. However, many predictions are general or contradictory, making it easier for people to relate and feel connected to their signs.
There is no firm classification for the signs, and some people blame their astrological sign for negative traits, such as jealousy in Scorpios. This lack of respect for the signs can lead to a sense of connection and a lack of responsibility for personal growth.
What does it mean when someone ask you what is your horoscope?
The practice of astrology, or the study of the movements and positions of celestial bodies, has been used for millennia to predict future events. In the case of horoscopes, the position of stars at the time of an individual’s birth is believed to hold particular significance. A horoscope for a particular birthday may indicate potential issues in one’s home or workplace. A diagram illustrating the positions of the planets, the Sun, and the Moon at a particular moment and location is employed to facilitate the interpretation of these predictions.
Which zodiac is perfect couple?
Astrologer Dr. Aarti Dahi decodes the 12 zodiac signs and their compatibility with each other. Aries and Leo make ideal couples, while Taurus and Cancer have strong bonds. Gemini and Aquarius match well, and Cancer is compatible with Scorpio. Virgo and Scorpio have fun together, and Libra and Sagittarius are socially active. Sun sign compatibility guides the couple in their love life, focusing on love, trust, respect, and understanding.
Aries-Leo is an ideal relationship, as both partners understand each other, give, and stand by each other. Aries is a fiery sign, and Leo is best suited for Aries, who needs reassurance of being loved. Taurus-Cancer is an ideal couple with understanding, love, and respect, willing to make sacrifices for each other. Gemini-Aquarius is a perfect match for Gemini, who are generally moody but Aquarius matches them perfectly, resulting in a constant state of physical and intellectual high. Each zodiac sign has unique characteristics that can affect their relationship.
What is a good sentence for horoscope?
The user frequently peruses horoscopes, which foretell a favorable romantic outcome this month.
Which zodiac is serious in relationship?
The article highlights the three most faithful zodiac signs: Taurus, Cancer, and Capricorn. Taurus values stability and long-term relationships, while Cancer is deeply emotional and family-oriented. Capricorn, with a strong sense of responsibility and commitment, is known for trust, honesty, and deep emotional bonds. These signs are known for their unwavering loyalty and commitment to their partners. Taurus, ruled by Venus, places a high value on stability and long-term relationships.
Their natural inclination towards loyalty stems from their desire for security and comfort, which can be found in a stable, faithful relationship. They prefer a deep, enduring connection that comes from true commitment, building a solid foundation with their partner that can withstand the test of time. These three zodiac signs are considered the most faithful and dependable in the zodiac.
What is my horoscope sign?
Zodiac sign dates are April 20 – May 20, Taurus – May 21, Gemini – June 21, Cancer – June 22 – July 22, and Leo – July 23 – August 22. Astrology and horoscopes can provide insight into personality and guide relationships. Taurus is the most astrologically inclined, while Gemini is the most influenced. Cancer is the most influenced, and Leo is the most influenced. Before exploring astrology, it’s essential to know your sun sign, determined by your date of birth.
What signs am I compatible with?
Astrology plays a crucial role in understanding love and the complex bonds that make our lives. People approach love differently based on their birth chart or the placement of planets at the time of birth. For example, Cancers have a tough exterior but feel intensely, while Leos want to shine a light on their loved one and have the same done back. Libras love love and are attracted to signs like Pisces, who love it back. Astrology helps people understand how to get, hold onto, and move on from love, as well as how to move on from it.
How do you know if your compatible with someone?
Compatibility in a relationship requires mutual support, effective communication, and understanding each other’s love language. While compatibility doesn’t necessarily require having all the same preferences, it involves enthusiastically supporting and encouraging each other’s hobbies and passions, respecting and accommodating their differences. Effective communication also involves expressing oneself freely, actively listening to each other, finding solutions together, and making compromises for each other. In summary, compatibility requires mutual support, effective communication, understanding each other’s love language, and the ability to resolve conflicts constructively.
📹 NEVER EVER say these things to PISCES
Pisces are gentle individuals who often put other people’s needs before their own, but this doesn’t mean they never get upset.
I’d love for Matt to address this: The only guys who seem interested in investing are guys whom I’m not attracted to. So I tell them I’m not interested. Then, I find a few men who I am actually physically/intellectually/pheromonally attracted to and they don’t really want to invest. So I end up chasing a little until I realize that’s what’s happening and I stop. It’s just frustrating. I have my life together in so many ways, so I want a partner who’s in the same place. I’ve been ready to commit for years, but the men around me seem to be content with a never-ending cycle of honeymoon phases. Once they realize that they’re going to have to communicate, compromise, and even change a little bit, they’re out – because they can find another slightly younger and less wiser female who will go through the cycle with them all over again.
I am a 63 year young lady.. I met a man and he seemed to be into me. I didnt know him. Me met again at a dance and we danced a few times and I felt he wanted to ask me out and I said do u want to date me. Later he came over and asked on a date. He said he was bit shy and thanked me for making bit easier. We in a relationship now and he stepped up to the plate. It’s a risk but I felt it was worth it. 💯😍
Chasing is investing continuously without them investing back. Courting someone is you investing a bit in them, and they invest a bit in you, doesn’t matter who makes the first move. And for sure only continue so as long as you’re getting the return, almost like any business deal 😂 Thanks Matt, always an inspiration for my website.
I always find myself back here rewatching this article to remind myself not to invest in someone who isn’t willing to invest in me. My energy has been sucked dry and now that I have ended things I’m regaining it back! Know your worth people. There are better people out there who will appreciate you and what you have to offer. Stand your ground.
Great article. The principle of investing and testing can also apply to friendships as well. When you’ve been making most of the effort to keep a friendship going and the other person just goes along with it and never takes it upon themselves to catch up with you then it’s time to let them go and find new friends. And yes this has happened to me and I realised that life and time is too valuable to waste on people who aren’t invested in you as a romantic partner or a friend.
Thank you Matthew for helping women like me all over the world to get back on their feet and have a clearer understanding or better view of things when we start to get our thoughts clouded with our emotions .. you keep us grounded, pull us back to reality and explain rationally the situation so we could understand where we got it all wrong .. and begin to solving our problem, finally get back with our lives and become a better person from that experience,, Thank you and god bless you always and your team.. Hope your message gets across more people (men/women) who also needs to hear this and be able to get the clarity they need,,
Invest in people based on how much they invest in you, not based on how much you like them. Invest and then test(measure the reaction). Give a little and see if they move a little to meet you where you are. Communicate, not chase. Commuicating is showing them that you like them & expressing your fondness. Chasing is continuing to invest in that person without getting anything in return long after the point you’ve communicated with them. Invest a little bit so that the other person knows where you stand, knows that you are open to a date, knows that you’d like to see them for another date, knows that tou find them attractive & appealing – this is brave, vulnerable and courageous. Chasing someone is a sign of low self worth. How could someone be that great when they are giving nothing in return after you having communicated with that person for so long? Noone can be that great.
After investing in him for 2 years I finally decided I’d stop. Now that he’s not busy anymore and that he realized what his priorities are,he is hoping to get me back. I don’t know what to do,I love him but I feel like he had too many chances…and now that he’s actually showing me he cares and that he invests it’s hard to think straight
I have a partner who loves talking about the things we could do together eg camping, cycling, hiking, but never followed through. It was always me pushing for time to meet in person, me doing the chasing. Got stood up many times and given weak excuses. He seemed happier just chatting on the phone for hours, rather than actual time together in person. This resulted in me getting pretty angry after awhile, to which he said made him want to pull away. So I took ownership of that, and calmly explained what I would like from him eg regular catch ups, making alternative arrangements with me if he had to cancel. And guess what? The same behaviour continued. I have given him so many chances!! So thank you Matthew, my investment time with this guy is over for good. Time to make room for a high quality male.
I know this is mostly for women but it’s still powerful for everyone me being here since last year I’m glad to say that you Matthew Hussey have changed me for the better I was so lost and so filled with pain but now I see everything thank you so much you really have helped me so I say this please keep making these articles for everyone and that I hope your doing good man honestly I can’t imagine this being easy for you.
Just wanted to comment, I’m a dude, and I can appreciate the articles. Fresh out of a 2 1/2 year relationship, I can see some things that I did wrong, and that she did wrong. I can also see where we both went right. When you come from a bad childhood, and have no good examples of healthy relationships, it’s hard to know what to do or expect. articles like these help a lot
Thank you so much for this article! When I see a man I like I become so passionate and I absolutely adore him. I used to communicate this more often but sometimes I loose my self esteem and put the guy on a pedestal. However, that’s always a setup for failure! I will now continue being charming and pro active and whoever is open for it is going to have the time of his life. 😌
It’s so true, you have to observe and be able to be honest with yourself if your feelings are not reciprocated. Just because someone is nice doesn’t mean that there is romantic interest. If it’s not romantic from their perspective, they won’t pursue you after you show interest. I think this applies to both men and women.
that’s the first male coach i’ve watched who’s not saying bullshit, not encouraging toxic relationships, that’s really appreciable, we should just be ourselves. I’ve been doing all of this, 50-50, i give a little but not everything because i want to see if the guy is really interested and really going to do his job. sadly it’s so rare, most of the time they give up before even trying or other guys are the opposite, too clingy, too dependent on you when you’ve known them for a couple of minutes. there are so many things that need to be discussed and changed in our dating habits.
As a man, this was also very helpful. Here I thought I was doing the right thing, or the best thing, but it’s gotten to the point where I’m just chasing someone I’ve unintentionally put on a pedestal, rather than investing in someone who can reciprocate and put in at least a reasonable amount of effort even if it’s far less than what I’d put in. And all that’s left is finding myself just worrying excessively. Thank you Matt for this, really needed someone to talk sense into my wavering heart.
So, I stopped texting a person I liked cuz I noticed “I was in the BLUE”… Like I … texted her everytime, said hello in the mornings & good bye at nights… told her how my days went by and when I noticed that… the test was to stop being the first to text the other person. And so, she never texted me in the mornings nor later on… like I did. It was obvious that if it wasn’t me who started the “one-sided” conversations, then she would never text me. Its been like 3 months since we spoke to each other… and she never asked me what happen… or how am I doing after so much time, after dissapearing of her life like that… So, good thing I noticed her lack of “investment” and took a step back.
Honestly, this is true of friendships also. I kept chasing ‘potential’ friends and would overinvest with nothing in return, until eventually I realized how wrong that was…. I remain kind to everyone ofc, but I definitely don’t expect to be any form of deep friends with someone if they don’t invest as much as I do etc. I really like this and good to know it’s useful in dating or considering dating someone
I just did the Invest then test on this guy that when I look at the data I obviously, or so it appeared,liked him more than he liked me I was putting forth more the effort,but at least I know I tried, it’s so easy to point a finger at someone else. He did NOT invest more. I’m OK with that I actually am God has someone BETTER! It’s articles like these they gave us the actual tools NOT just words to date with COMPETENCY! Had I not applied your principal test I would have been wondering could I have done anything differently? Now I know for SURE I did my best! Thank you very very much Matthew knowledge is power! The MORE you know, the LESS you fear!
Your articles are so helpful, not just for romantic relationships but for self improvement and awareness. Thanks to your advice I’m learning to really advocate for myself and invest wisely, to not over-invest in people who won’t bother to show kindness with a small gesture of thoughtful act. Standards are important
Matthew I will continue to invest in you when I’m able, cause you have invested so much in helping me (us, should I say)!! I truly and deeply respect and love you!!! You gave me desire to grow and live, you’re strength and energy flows thru your articles and pod casts!!! Your words give me power to fight another day! I don’t know if you believe in GOD like I do, but I know he is with you, or I don’t think you would have such an impact on me. Your gift is powerful and I’m grateful for any part you have in my life!!! I will never forget what you did for me! You gave me, my love for me back, when other men made me, hate me. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I didn’t even realise that I am in the blue and I didn’t even think I was ”chasing” as I get short answers (to my rather long texts!). Drastic action needed. Time to invest a little bit more in someone who invests in me: Me! Gosh, I am rather shocked at that revelation as I am usually level headed. Thanks Matthew.
Reminds me of the part in “my best friends wedding ” when Julia Roberts is chasing him literally as he’s chasing his bride to be…and there’s a pause where she’s stopped and someone says,” look behind you…nobody’s chasing you” people need to stop chasing, even sometimes in a relationship. Give them just a tiny taste of who you are, and let them chase you. And ALWAYS, as Matthew says, only give as much investment as the other person is investing…equal investment
Love that … Invest, then test. Unfortunately it did not go well. Met new man month ago. We live 7 hours distance. He messaged me, called me He said he wanted to drive to see me I suggested a article chat? He said yes, acted like he was really excited. But he put me off 30 minutes, then he blew me off He never even responded to start article call. I was so disappointed. He did not follow through.
Thank you for this, Matt! Dating is a bit of a challenge for me, and whenever I try to connect or have the courage to just initiate i feel like im more of the guy and that courage becomes sort of an urge to overshare and overdo my initiative making me feel like im just breaking my chances whenever i try. This article brought me relief, cause i’m trying to figure out how to relate and build connection.
I have a boyfriend, my first one (and Im 27). I observed that He only invests based on how much I invest. And some times less. He said to me that He likes Meeting in Real more than writing, so I understand why He is maybe not that much on the Phone. But I have a great male friend and He is very clinging and comunicates more often with me. I like that and Its ok with my boyfriend. But I wish that my boyfriend would be more Affectionate and clinging.
I’m applying this to the minimum, I used to be in the blue because I’m naturally very chatty, but then I corrected myself, if he answers with a paragraph I do a little more, but if he answers one line only, or one word i do the same, I invest then test, if he initiate the conversation 2 times I initiate once, if he saw my message and didn’t respond I leave it there, In a few days I test to see if he is still interested by sending a casual short message, such as, How is everything? If he answers, then we start the conversation, I never text twice in a row, nobody deserve that! I hate when somebody is in control and that person is not me! never again!
Hope I heard this earlier, but still it’s good to have this as confirmation that I made the right decision. It was like dancing with this person at first, which was great and you did not want to give that up. But because I got anxious, it turned into a bit of a chase and lost it’s momentum. I’m learning as I go on in this dating season. And I loved how you said no one is that great if they’re not treating you well ❤
Recently I started dating someone who, I thought, was worth investing in because I felt like he was investing in me. After a lovely weekend together during an intimate, guards down conversation he said I was ‘average but we could grow together’. This offended me massively. I’m upset and he knows and has apologised. What should I do? Accept the apology and take it as a bad choice of words. Or just accept it as a bullet dodged because I’m definitely NOT average
This article was sooo freaking helpful! I finally started talking to my crush by asking him to pick me up for school a week ago. Yeah, he’s quite funny etc but the communication with him over text messages is rather one sided (me being “in the blue”). I asked him if he’d like to go for a walk with me; let’s see how it will turn out. This article helped me to understand my pattern of being a chaser; I’m going to stop this shit right now and try to keep these principles in mind!
Matthew I love your article I’m also a member, I learned to value myself by being “lectured” by you everyday and I started quite at a young age (16/17 years old). Now I’m 22 and have a boyfriend who loves me but sometimes I find difficult to find the line that separates investing and making compromises. I would love to see more article about being in a relationship, I’m sure it’s a topic that many others would love. Keep up the good work and thank you for everything.
This message from Matthew Hussey is soooo on point! Wish I had heard it decades ago. I even found this message (of equal investing into a relationship) to be very helpful with my relationships with friends as well. I find that spiritually, I want to pour out the love of Christ to others…. and realize that many are not at the same spiritual place of maturity, yet. And then to test to see what that person does with such an act of kindness…really tells a lot. I guess that when you try to reach many with a little, instead of a few with a lot ?!
Really been hurting the last few days due to a girl that’s been very unresponsive despite me having been very cool and collected and only texting her very sparingly just to let her know she’s on my mind. It’s becoming obvious she’s not interested and I needed to hear that you shouldn’t be investing in someone that isn’t investing in you. Is really helping me regain my composure and realize that I can’t be with someone that isn’t seeing the value I’m putting on the table.
Loved this article and the message. One small request for Jamison – pull down the blinds before filming when it’s a windy day. While the windows and view make for a gorgeous backdrop, perusal the bamboo move so much behind Matthew during wind gusts was soooo distracting. I had to literally put down my iPad and just listen. Love you guys and what you do!
First time to put a comment but long time listener. Love your podcast. Thank you! I just wanted to reiterate the “dropping the handkerchief” idea…it worked! I run a tour company and a guy who’s been on several of my tours has had a crush on me for 4 years, I recently found out. The last tour he came on, I felt the vibe…so I intentionally got a picture of him. I sent it to him on social media and we’ve been talking ever since. Been seriously dating now for 4 months. It is going amazingly well. I can literally see a future and I’ve been single for 6 years! It’s nice to find a quality man who supports me, it’s crazy about me, loving and attentive!!! All from “dropping the handkerchief”. 😁
Hello Mathew…my ex and I have been broken up since late Sept and initially it was supposed to be a break but unfortunately it turned in to an actual breakup… losing her had been dangerously painful…and eventually I decided to stop mostly because she blocked me…and thru out that no contact I simply left her alone and jus recent she reached out …staying the claim of how she now missed and loved me..she offered to take the block off and the initial Convo was amazing…it seemed like she was ready based on the conversation but unfortunately she made it clear that she isn’t…my ex has ADHD AND SHE HAS BEEN STRUGGLING according to her….she has begged that we continue the break all while remaining in contact….I almost feel played …I feel like if I was wat she really wanted she would find the willingness to work this out but she lacked that willingness…for 2 months all I did was cry cry and cried in secret….my god no one can imagine how tired I am of crying….there’s a part of me that is ready to give up at this point but I really don’t wanna give up too too soon but I h e decided to give her a time line….I’ve decided to give her until January and if she hasn’t gotten over her issues and chosen me Im gonna choose to move on…. because I’mdef starting to feel like she keeping me around as a 2nd choice (idk)……and that’s just not gonna work for me….I truly love this girl but in the time that weve been apart I’ve grown to love me again and I’m jus not willing to play her game whether its intentional or not
I keep hearing about waiting for his initiation first. Doesn’t it make us that do this look absolutely passive, uninterested, boring, manipulative and insecure? This is game playing and assuming that all humans do it. My love interest is a part time father and full time restaurant owner, short staffed mostly. He doesn’t have time to invest as much as he’d actually want to. It’s the circumstances that no one really addresses and we end up thinking it’s not meant to be. Have patience, faith, focus on your own life. It either flows naturally or we are interrupting the flow.
Lol….love how you add character and fun to your articles! Also love how you get it, you just get it!! So many of us in this world stay in a vicious cycle or recluse within and don’t even try and so on. Your understanding is such a ray of sunshine and hope. Its cool how you want to help and a champion for “love”!!
I’m taking this to apply in friendships too coz I really struggle with making friends and don’t know whether to believe when people say, “oh yeah let’s do that” and then they don’t reach out and it needs to be me but the thing is they’re probably prioritising their other friends, not hanging out with someone new :/
Matthew, I actually used this advice in my work relationships. It is a true game changer. I stopped wasting my time chasing certain business partnerships. It turned out that when I stopped, I realized they were obviously not a good fit for me. I now spend more time and attention with those who already see my value. Those are the right business partnerships. It’s gold. perusal your article last week enlightened me about which business partnerships were right for me right now. So, even if it’s non intentional, thank you! When do you start a business / career website?
I did exactly what you said mathew. I was giving sighns i initiated conversation at the coffee shop, we where always looking at eachother smiling.he started doing the same. He would come to my work wait around just to talk to me not the other girls. I looked after him and gave him a discount with the products he purchased and what I got I return was this awkward comment from him saying, ” it looks like a missed the boat”. He smiled and walked off, I haven’t seen him for a long time again. He flirts with me and disappeares and comes back to flirt again. I’ve liked this guy for three years and I’ve realised I’ve given him many apportunities to ask me out, and he still hasn’t. His making me feel not good enough for him by acting this way.He definatly missed the boat, but I’ve also realised my worth and I deserve a man to ask me out. I was getting breadcrumbs when I was giving him open signals that I cared about him and liked him. I realise I deserve a man who’s willing to try and ask me out.
The problem comes when you fall in love. Then all the logic goes out of the window. It’s like mind gets blurry, you misjudge every move that they make, you become illogical and thus can’t perform fair assessment. You make excuses for them, you believe every excuse that they make. I truly believe that people have different capabilities of falling in love. Some people have better control of it, but others might really fall hard for someone. I think the first step is to always know yourself because feeling of love is very individual. If you are one of the people who have the capacity to really fall in love super deeply and super fast, be careful! You really have to learn to control it because you are at the higher risk of falling for a wrong person and misinterpret their intentions. You won’t be able to invest a little bit and then check if you already fully in love with them. It will drive you crazy. First use your logic, don’t fall for them until you are 100% sure it’s the right person for you.
Funny I was having this problem as someone have been pursuing me for months online but I dont see him communicating with me enough for me to say he is interested in knowing me. He seems not comfortable with questions too. The only reason why I keep talking to.him is he keeps going back but its always “how are you or how was your week, how’s your family”? Until now, he never asked me what are the things I like, my hobbies, and never mentions my name when asking me either in text or article call.
I have been having a casual well I would say just sexual relationship with a guy. When we 1st started talking he would contact me most days sending a VN’s. Saw him once a week, only go out for drinks . But the sex is soo good. Saw him last Friday. Before that was the 20th September. He is always busy when I say let’s meet up & always me suggesting things. He reply’s with one liners. I told him 2 months into seeing him that I am looking for more a companion he then went the other way saying we on different paths, but still wants to see me only when suits him. I think I got over excited as before I met him was single for 4 years. Thought I could just handle a casual thing but now it’s made me feel awful. I have to now move on because this situation no good. I have just been chasing him like a fool it’s taken a while but he just sees me as a sex object
You are amazing, love to listen to you,sooo wise 👍🏻✅💪🏼 l think it could be used in friendships too,cuz when you invest in person and do things for them and they don’t invest and don’t do nothing for you,you should leave.I had a lot of selfish people in my life,who always were around when they needed me but when I needed them they all disappeared
Brilliant advice. I think in past I have definitely been the dominant chaser and barking up the total wrong tree. I am reigning in my bad habits and accepting that sometimes the man just isnt into me and a less is more mentality when it comes to me pursuing a man via text, voice mail, letters. These are things I did last time I was ghosted. Hopefully I have more future opportunities to learn to show my interest appropriately and then back off appropriately. I read that women sometimes make excuses for when they are rejected as they dont want to believe it. I am guilty of this. This is a great article. Dont keep investing in the guy who isnt investing in you
absolutely sick of my boyfriend! i literally have to BEG him to talk to me more! he literally only gives me 10 min phone calls he says ok i’ll give you more time and for ONE DAY he changes and calls for longer then he goes back to speaking for 10 minutes and we don’t even have a good emotional connection. i’m am absolutely SICK TO DEATH of this man treating me like pure crap for the past 2 years he’s wasted my life! but i’m so attached
Hey Matthew, I’ve been dating a guy for a year now who lives in another country. He obviously cares a LOT about me — he’s been visiting me several times, despite like a 7h flight one way (I have been visiting him too), he has met my parents and close friends and really makes effort to talk to me several times a week, despite a super demanding job (he works in finance and works like 16 hours a day, beyond putting a lot of time on running). It’s clear that I’m important to him, and that he goes out of his way to make space for me in his life. Now to the thing that makes me confused: he doesn’t want to label our relationship. He’s said so many times that he doesn’t want a relationship right now in life, but still he acts like we are in one? I mean, we are basically together — every piece of a relationship is there, except for the label. It’s not like the label is something I necessarily need to rush (I mean, I’ve already practically got a relationship with him), but I would not complain about labeling it sooner or later, and be able to actually call him my boyfriend. What is his issue? I don’t really get it. He doesn’t have sex with or date anyone else, he puts effort into our relationship, we’re natural parts of each other’s lives. I don’t really understand what this commitment issue consists of? Can you enlighten me?
Just saw this today!! Pearls of wisdom!!! I have just literally let go of the notion that if I continue to invest in my person of interest and the feelings are not reciprocated back….just WALK AWAY!!! If I really mean something to them then they will reach out accordingly. I just don’t have more time to waste on maybe I like you, I like you but I sm busy or YES!!! I LIKE YOU BUT… Guys PLEASE MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!!
I finally did this several times….invest and test.. I invested big time, he got really sick, like REEEALLY SICK.almost died sick . I stayed with him 18 hrs straight feeding him medicine and cold cloths on his head neck arm pits. Fever was waaay high. He would have slipped into a coma If I left, stubborn man didn’t wanna call 911. Over night healing. Fast forward next day, he was better but still sick. I did this for 3 days. I literally was a nurse to a guy I’ve been seeing 6mnths. I made dinner, I cleaned his whole washroom and kitchen. Helping him out. Finally he got better, had to have surgery was almost septic from an infection……I invested a lot. After wards all I got was “I’m not ready for a relationship and I have trauma and healing and bla bla bla bla. . I moved on
I think there is an interesting nuance here. The ability to give something back depends on how many resources the person has. If someone is in a tough situation in their life, they may not give back much because of their situation, not because of their attitude to you. But on the flip side it is important to watch out if the person tries to improve their situation. Like seriously and consistently. Do they make an excuse out of their situation, or they deal with it, they work on themselves.
There’s this guy I see a lot in social events, so far so good, we talk when we see each other (not texting) and it’s been looking to the bright side but he hasn’t made a move to go on a date privately We were at a boat party, we hung out together most part, we danced together and he even joined me to talk on the deck at some point and there’s definitely a connection there, after leaving, I texted him an appreciation text and a little compliment and he passed the response test😅 Let’s see
I started mirroring his behaviors to be honest. When he invests more, I invest more, when he invests less, I do the same. He has issues and I know that. I am testing him even if it might sound harsh but I mean measuring (I don’t want to chase him, I try to be assertive without chasing him), but I want to see if he does something to invest more again and be more consistent like before or if continues like this (like he is doing since last week) so that I will have to disengage completely.
I need to hear this, this is strange this came up for me today. I did some investing in him yesterday. We both said in conversation that we wanted to visit a certain place, later in the day I suggested we both go together. He said we should all go as a work outing, I got the message he didn’t want to go with just with me on our own. Immediately I thought loud and clear, he wants to be acquaintances then, got it. I’m backing off.
As a man we are taught how to date by women 1. We don’t communicate a lot because we have experience with how you women act when we do. 2. We don’t like to share our feelings because we have experience of women dropping us or using it against us the minute we do. What I’ve learned is I have to keep women at a distance and just give them little crumbs if I don’t do that they just take me for granted and disrespect me. It’s amazing how women are so attracted to men who do nothing and don’t pay attention to them. Women just want what they don’t have access to.
I work at a school kitchen and have a huge crush on a gymnastic teacher since last year. There’s always been strong eye contact that he’d always initiate, always saying good morning first, waving, small talk, speaking louder so I would know he was around, even my co-worker noticed! So I started mirroring his behaviour until I got the courage to inbox him on Instagram telling him I had a crush on him. Result: he didn’t even answered back and stopped doing all those things, so I did the same, again. I felt really good because at least I knew what I could expect from him from that time on. Until 2 weeks ago when I missed school because of covid and the week I came in he started doing the same things again like he missed me, again, my co-worker noticed the changes in his behaviour saying that perhaps he’s just shy… Result: Mate you’ll have to try harder because even if I really want you, I wont make any move. I cannot deal with indecisive people anymore…
My problem is that my darling Prince charming was absolutely dancing on the moon, extravagant for the first year, and it was incredible and suddenly he just turned into a cold potato. significantly enough that I’m devastated and crying all the time and I don’t know what to do and I have been perusal your articles and have taken the advice of pulling back and etc. but my heart is….. There’s absolutely no adjective to follow this now !
He is right. Once I texted a guy that I felt attracted to him and said that we should meet again. He was happy, he invited me on a coffee and was investing me equally! He didnt make the move because he was not thinking that I like him in that way. Tho I dont like the passivity and I wished he made the first move… invest and look what comes back was a great idea
My now ex GF, once we got to be exclusive, left it to me to initiate most communication and such, even after I told her I’d enjoy hearing from her from time to time during the day. She’d tell me she didn’t want to bother me, but in the end she showed me i wasn’t a priority and held me to standards & rules she would not hold herself to.
Matthew, I have recently cut contact with a man,who I had romance with for 3 years . He left his spouse, which was his idea. I helped him with that. Then after promises of our future, I haven’t even been invited over to his new place. His first month was time and space for him. Then texting all the time, like 100 messages during a day, voice noted ect, but meeting once every two weeks, and during his work. I had enough. From promises to doing nothing to change the situation. What was in his head? Why did he do that? To keep me for what he needs? It’s so selfish 🙄 😒
I have traits of borderline personality disorder and a very low self esteem. I did this to my now best friend 2 months ago. I chased him and chased him, and we became friends, best friends and had sexual stuff going on. When I told him I have romantic feelings for him, he told me he doesn’t want me, and he just wants to be best friends. I’m not sure the sexual stuff was me forcing him and him going with the flow or if he was really interested. We keep going in circles when it comes to serious talks, and I end up being hurt, lost and confused. He doesn’t talk about these things and I feel invalidated. I am at such a stage where I don’t know how to remain best friends when I still want him, and he doesn’t want me 😔. My other best friend had advised me to stop chasing him, but I didn’t listen. If I would have listened to this article before, it would save me a lot of heartache and sorrow. He’s 19, and I’m 24, and we live in different cities.
Great point. I would like to add for people who have people investing in them to not give mix signals, so the other person who is investing gets mixed up and its not clear when to stop investing. I think we have liost directness or honesty, if I may say. Just let the investor know where you stand straight up, whatever happened to that? I think is the most kind, honest thing to do is to let them know where you stand from the moment the person opens the investing window, do not lead them on to feed your ego.
How come someone can be that great that you continue to put them on a pedestal when they’re not giving that back? No one can be that great. Our insecurity diminishes ourselves and makes the other person look larger than in comparison. The first step to get over insecurity issues is have better boundaries and name your feelings.
Will You See This? There is experienced advice out there saying… that the man’s energy enters into the woman through Her speaking about herself. If he speaks a lot about himself… ie… she has a slew of questions… where she hopes he’ll go into huge detail with his answer… more blue…this winds up weakening the bond. He just becomes more interested in himself. Of course just being open and natural and with healthy esteem would be the way. It’s seems there is validity in what seems an imbalance… that eventually can come to balance. What do you feel/think?
I was in line at a grocery store girl packing the bags was raising money for her school’s swimming team. She told me if i wanted to donate for her school’s team, i said no. She said they will do their best to try hard to win. She game me a smile. She look a few years younger than me, i was not sure if she was just looking for donation or if she liked me. She kept eye contact i did not look away until she looked sideways to tell me she would do her best to win. Should i have asked her questions about the swimming team? Since i was waiting for the grocery’s to be scaned through? Was she showing interest? Was it just fr donations?
I had to retract with several friends this year as I clearly have been investing more than them. So this happens to me on a platonic level with both men and women. Its even stronger if I have romantic interests which are rare. I started to figure this out a bit for myself about 2 years ago. I even made a spreadsheet to track how I felt with people I liked and other such things. I did in fact turn myself into my own experiment to understand this. The results were startling in how badly I was feeling towards people I had been investing with that were slow to reciprocate. I notice this way faster than ever before now. Just this last month or so I met someone I felt was likeable, I did my investment only to hit a wall. I stopped doing it. Invest energy, thoughts, feelings elsewhere. Totally agree .. all relationships as well — work, family, friend, romance. Done.
I just ran into this and even though it made me cry because I became aware of my situation as the person who has communicated that I am interested and I would like to date this guy and he has not responded appropriately. He said he’s very interested in me too and loves my energy and he’s even told me and has told me several times he loves me but not to over think it but yet has not attempted to ask me out on a date or anything. And through this article I had realized I have been chasing him and now I will stop. It’s not healthy what I have been doing.
Hi Matt, Thanks for sharing! You have lots article talking about chasing and how to attrackt people. I am hoping that you would consider talking more about how to maintain and build relationships. Like what do you do when both you and your partner like each other a lot, but then realized there are too many differences in core value, expectations, and love language. Look forward to see more content that helps people build and make relationship last longer!
I’ve liked my coworker b4, his really attractive and we click so much. I’m really interested in knowing him more. Then I come to a point where I would let him know how I feel for him through a letter, but there wasn’t a reply on my confession, so I moved on telling him how I felt. Remembering all your advises that if no investment from a guy we should move on. I do still like him till now, but I just let it pass.
I see my mistakes. We dated three months. At the end i was chasing him. I said i like him and wanna see and he npw is ghosting me. When we met there was always a great energy. But the time between i get insecure. I wrote him a message cheering him up because of his work. Afterwards he never answered again. Before we almost wrote every day. Do you guys think there is still a chance? I am scared he will meet another girl and forget me.
Impossible To do anything : The reason all We never Talk To each other. When both of Them No Conversation. Impossible To know. If we go To Think it’s like Taking Sides with Ourselves . *Impudence. @Sometime people Talk To each other because … *They see The attractiveness Interesting discussion …?
Hmmm… the question is … different sun signs take different amounts of time to reciprocate. In fact, the most stable signs (earth) takes the longest to reciprocate. Yet they are often the most loyal, long term partners. (This is a generalized observation ofc). I’ve seen couples where one of them reached out for more than 2 years, and then a phase where the other warmed up after the first one cooled down, and after 5 years, they are happily married. There isn’t any hard and fast rule to this. Plus, people change over time, their interests diverge, and their investment may not be constant. He may have really been into your poetry in the beginning, but after a promotion at work he may become too occupied to listen to it. She may have been very sweet and appreciative, but after a second child and hormonal fluctuations, she may be crying at the drop of a hat. That’s life! What do you do? Abandon each other? You wouldn’t abandon your child or your parent if they were that way, would you? Why does spouse draw the shorter stick? I think, a relationship is strongest when both partners are their own people! What I mean is they are able to do their own thing regardless of praise or blame from their partner. Also if they are fairly sane, and have an interest in spirituality, meditation etc… it at least provides them with tools to deal with their own drama… that’s incredibly helpful. Any form of faith also creates such a space. Further, if they are into service of any kind, that somehow helps to point a mirror at their own weaknesses and grow!
What if he was doing all the right things, planning marriage, but then experienced a number of stressful life events and huge loss and then he reduces his communication? He says it is the worst time of his life. He didn’t pick up my last call and its been almost a week now. Am I being harsh if I leave him now for a lack of response from him?
Went on a second date with a guy, we slept together and after the date he messaged a bit but mainly giving me breadcrumbs. I told him “Hey, it feels like you’re a bit unsure of what you want right now. It’s totally fine, but I’m going to take some distance.” Haven’t heard from him in 2 days should I reach out again if he doesn’t?
this was helpful but what happens when you’ve been speaking to a guy since may and he’s been saying he’s attracted to u and ur funny and loves ur weird personality and says he likes u but then doesn’t want a relationship just yet but he won’t meet you even though u live so close he can see ur garden from his house …help?
Question for all (on invest and test)- I’m a guy and I’ve been seeing this girl lately- went on a coffee date then two further dates. All a week apart, keeping texting relatively minimal and related to planning. All 3 dates were great, both fully focused on each other, smooth flowing conversation, lots of laughing, some joking and flirting too. Kissed after second date, made out during/after Third date. All seems to be great, and it seems like her way of showing interest is by always jumping on my invitations, always texting back quickly, and showing up to have a good time- and showing that she’s clearly enjoying it. However I can’t help but notice I’m still the one initiating everything, and while I’ve let out some hints on my feelings and with compliments I have yet to hear some from her. I’m not sure if she’s just not super comfortable expressing herself in thst way, and I do appreciate that her actions do the talking. Still- it would be nice to hear and feel some from her directly. Compliments, her feelings on me or things, etc. Am I being crazy? Am I being too generous here or is something missing?
Sometimes though, some people are just less of a texter than you! Or texting is not one of their love languages. This could explain why you would be ‘in the blue’ without it meaning that you are investing more in the relationship, that you are chasing them or that you should feel insecure that they dont message you quite as often as you do!
I finally realized my ex was a true narcissist when he kept complaining to me about HIS snoring. Saying I should lay there and listen to it and not get any sleep…rather than one of us move to a different room. If I moved to the couch he got mad bc I left him, if I told him to move to the couch he whined I was kicking him out of bed. Unreal! After all his abuse and insults, that stupid tiny statement just finally resonated with me how selfish he was and I realized no matter what I did he wasn’t going to be happy. I literally treated him like a king too and he still cheated. Numerous times. I’m still recovering….
OK SERIOUSLY…This Man has got to be a mind reader, but in the most Brilliant way Of Course! I literally Just got into a little spat with my boyfriend and came outside to take a “breather”, turned my iPad on, not YouTube intentional but then BAM 💥 a Notification sent from heaven (or the gods up there 😉) practically slapped me back to reality and I couldn’t have clicked on it faster! This is ONE OF THE MANY reasons why I LOVE AND ADORE Matthew, he has Millions of subscribers but the beautifully insightful topics he talks about are so wonderfully specific therefore making them incredibly relatable and So personable that it feels as if it’s just you and him talking, one-on-on. BTW wouldn’t That be Amazing 😊😁 Thank you AGAIN Matthew, not only for your Unbeatable wisdom which I continue to gain knowledge from after EVERY article of yours, even Years later! But also for your impeccable timing💋💋
Can I say that chasing doesnt necessarily mean you have low self esteem or low self respect. With me, i chased a guy once and it was because I really liked them and I thought in my mind that we had a connection. I mean, this guy was totally into me at the start, he used to say things like he feels as if he’s met me before, he was very talkative, very engaging. Then one day he just became so distant. So i was left confused and i tried to figure it out and reached out to him. Some of my friends kept telling me to reach out to him maybe he was afraid or had some problems in life. So my chasing was re assuring to him how i felt or expressing how i felt, and also a bit of counselling. I didnt actually expect him to respond after the 2nd time i reached out to him, but my goal was just to let him know or to let someone know how you truly feel and how much i really like that person. I see guys chase women they really like all the time and i dont think that the guy must have low self esteem. Or he must be really insecure. I just think that if there is high interest theres going to be some sort of chasing behaviour. To a certain extent of course.
What if you’re too scared and/or embarrassed to make the first move, especially if there’s a chance the person is already married or might not like/be interested in you? Then you just end up looking like a fool, what’s worse is if the person works at the same place you do so you have to keep seeing them, which just makes you feel more embarrassed and makes the situation more awkward. Then is it even worth taking the risk? Especially, if in my case, I’m extremely attracted to this guy, but I simply can’t tell if he has any interest in me at all or that if he does he isn’t just shy or masking it because he’s worried about the same thing? What do I do?
Great article Matt! I have two questions for you. 1. In your job You must watch/hear about a lot of crappy dudes and subsequently teach us how to navigate and filter the annoying stuff that they do. How do you remain positive about it? (in a tangible, solid way). From where a lot of us are sitting these are the only the Men we are dealing with. Do you see a lot of Men who are investing in the women into their lives? I’d love to hear some positive stories. 2. I’m meeting dudes at the moment, “dropping the hankerchief”, I keep getting from them (in the talking phase before a date or during) that they’re just after something casual. I’m going to say 95% of the time this is happening. I’m politely declining dates with these men but as a result, I’m not going on a lot of dates. I’m confused and curious, could it be something I’m doing? If you have any insight that would be amazing. – Hayls 🖤
I’ve been talking to this great guy for a few weeks now, his really pretty perfect BUT I noticed that every night he just disappears not late where I could think his crashed I mean like straight after work gone!! I tried really hard to not overthink it but in the past, when I didn’t overthink it turned out my ex is living a double life so I questioned it now he’s kind of mad and I don’t know what to say, this could be the deal breaker😩
None of these is an assurance of happy marriage or a happy relationship. Men and women will show all the good stuff at first or last or whatever…and you cannot at all predict if things you did can or cannot change their mind or behavior towards you. It is so tough, and exhausting to just keep on educating yourself about things like these.
I honestly had to use my head recently. Met a man and was stood up on the first date . I actually gave him a second chance which is against everything I feel ( my friends advice). We had a really great time and both wanted a second date. Exchanged texts. After no response from my last text (responding to him) for 5 days I had to let him know I wasn’t interested. I wasted three weeks not getting to know someone which is ridiculous.
The problem is that the person he is talking about is my best friend. I’m in love with my best friend. And I did end up chasing her, and she just told me “I can’t make any promises for the future”. She is moving states. And now I’m just kinda stuck as to if I should pursue her and truly pursue her, or if I should just walk away
It is not working,simply the more you invest time and effort, the more you start to know the other person, then you start to interest in them more. No body can be interest in other people just by looking at the picture and profile. It is not working in now days, especially online dating. What people should do is create question list, send to everyone that catch their eyes who at least attract them by appearance. Then, find out if they interest in how they response. Allowing the time to know each other is very important, to build up the interest. Then we can start to talk about invest time.
Ever watched you before, but I forget it when I fall in love lol Now I’m coming back perusal this because I’m in the phase that the guy didn’t invest much as in the early stage And I just want to remind myself again to only invest as much as they invest That hurts when I realize guys not interest in me when I start to interest in them he they make me interested
This women I’m “seeing” got out of a relationship a month ago. I asked her out because i knew she liked me too, we texted regularly for a whole week constantly, then went on a date, your normal date with good bants and awkward moments. But now shes quite absent and has admitted it too and apologized and explained shes frazzled in her head which being just out of a relationship sure, i get it. So i thought we were getting somewhere. But she’s not putting the same effort in again, I’m trying to be understanding but either i get an explanation or i reckon its just too raw and early for her right now.