Narcissistic parenting behaviors can be challenging to deal with, but understanding the disorder’s traits and implementing effective coping strategies can help. People who grow up with a narcissistic parent usually develop 15 traits as adults, according to psychologists. To heal, one can visualize the color red, add more red to their life, eat more red foods, use affirmations, try energy healing, breathe with pranayama, try mudras, and learn.
Children raised by a narcissistic parent often face issues such as poor self-esteem, people pleasing, and other issues that can persist into adulthood. To protect emotional health and well-being, it is important to learn more about the traits of a narcissistic parent or adopt strategies such as meditation, adding more red to life, eating more red foods, using affirmations, energy healing, breathing with pranayama, practicing mudras, and learning.
Narcissistic abuse can affect the root chakra, which can cause psychological and physical issues if blocked from narcissistic abuse. To strengthen the solar plexus chakra, practicing grounding exercises, meditation, and understanding the connection between narcissism and the root chakra can be beneficial. It is common to refer to someone as a narcissist in passing if they are vain, entitled, arrogant, or preoccupied.
📹 Trauma, Triggers and Emotional Dysregulation: 10 Ways to Regulate Your Nervous System w/ Anna Runkle
Trauma has a massive impact on your nervous system and when you’re triggered, it’s hard to think clearly, it’s stressful and it …
How to protect yourself from a narcissistic parent?
Living with a narcissistic mother can be challenging due to their self-absorbed nature and tendency to see their children as extensions of themselves. Children may feel unheard, unknown, and used by their narcissistic parent. To manage the relationship, it is essential to set healthy boundaries, stay calm, and plan responses. If the mother is self-absorbed, it is crucial to let go, seek help, and step away. Anju Chandy, a musician in Indianapolis, left her home for college far away after years of frustration and arguments, deciding to forge a path away from her influence and control.
What happens when you live with a narcissist too long?
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can result from long-term exposure to a narcissist’s cruelty, leading to fear and anxiety. Separation anxiety is common after breaking up with a narcissist, as the abuser may feel disoriented and constantly criticize the victim. Depression may develop due to emotional abuse, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth. Moodiness can also occur due to anger towards the abuser.
To break free from a narcissist, it is essential to distance yourself and ignore the narcissist. It is crucial not to respond to the narcissist’s tactics and seek professional guidance and support if the narcissist has violent tendencies. The key is to avoid responding to their tactics and to break free safely. If the narcissist has violent tendencies, seeking professional guidance and support is crucial for a successful breakaway.
What happens to your brain when you live with a narcissist?
Narcissistic abuse often leads to symptoms similar to those of brain damage, such as memory loss, headaches, difficulty concentrating, emotional instability, confusion, impaired judgment, and problem-solving skills. These symptoms can significantly impact daily functioning, making it difficult for individuals to maintain jobs, maintain relationships, or engage in self-care activities. Furthermore, narcissistic abuse can have a range of other effects on victims, such as:
How do you heal while living with a narcissist?
Healing from narcissistic abuse involves self-care and support. Acknowledge the abuse, set boundaries, and engage in activities that promote physical and emotional well-being. Surround yourself with loved ones, join a support group, or seek professional help for strength and guidance. With the right tools and community, recovery from narcissistic abuse is possible. The prevalence, correlates, disability, and comorbidity of DSM-IV Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be found in the J Clin Psychiatry.
What part of the brain is damaged with narcissism?
The presence of narcissism is largely linked to the interplay of emotional empathy and self-awareness in the dorsolateral and medial prefrontal cortex. In MRI studies, patients with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) had significantly smaller gray matter volumes in certain brain regions, which are associated with empathic tendencies. This decrease in gray matter volume negatively impacts an individual’s self-awareness, as their self-referential processing and decision-making abilities suffer. This, coupled with a lack of emotional empathy for others, causes a disconnect between a narcissist and the outside world, often leading to self-obsession.
The medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC) has been associated with the occurrence of narcissism, as it is largely related to self-awareness and has been correlated with self-referential processing, self-reflective thought, and self-regulation in social settings. Studies have found that prefrontal structural deficits or reduced mass in the frontal region resulted in the development of NPD, while weakened connectivity among frontal regions, including the mPFC, plays a role.
Another study used diffusion tensor imaging to assess the frontostriatal connectivity of 50 healthy undergraduate students and tested them for traits of grandiose narcissism. The researchers concluded that white matter integrity in the frontostriatal pathway was negatively correlated with narcissism, causing a disconnect between the self and the reward system of the brain. This lack of connectivity may lead to grandiose narcissists seeking external validation to compensate for disparities between baseline and desired self-rewards. Another theory suggests that narcissists require a larger amount of affirmation from others to reach their desired levels of self-esteem.
In terms of vulnerable narcissism, vulnerable narcissists are also tethered to external validation due to their highly negative view of self, but the stress of social situations results in more celebrity worship and a decreased desire for fame. Overall, the findings suggest that narcissism can be influenced by various factors, including emotional empathy, frontostriatal connectivity, and the need for external validation.
What part of the brain is affected by narcissistic abuse?
Narcissistic abuse has been linked to brain damage, including a reduction in the size of the hippocampus and prefrontal cortex, which may be attributed to cell death. Conversely, the amygdala appears to undergo expansion.
How do you survive co parenting with a narcissist?
Co-parenting with a narcissist can be a challenging journey, but there are ways to handle it constructively. Set firm boundaries, consider parallel parenting, focus on the child(ren), document everything, get emotional support, stay calm and detached, involve professionals, and be prepared for manipulation. These methods can help both parents and children survive and thrive in the midst of the ups and downs of co-parenting. It’s essential to stay calm, detached, involve professionals, and be prepared for manipulation.
What chakra is affected by narcissistic abuse?
The Solar Plexus Chakra, located in the upper abdomen, is associated with personal power and confidence. Narcissistic abuse often targets this chakra, leading to feelings of powerlessness. Strengthening this chakra involves self-empowerment and assertiveness. The Heart Chakra, located in the chest, is crucial for emotional healing, often impacted by narcissistic abuse. Healing this chakra involves self-love and forgiveness. The Throat Chakra, located in the throat, is associated with communication and expression. Engaging in open communication and creative expression can help heal this chakra.
How to deal with a narcissistic parent you live with?
To survive a narcissistic parent, accept their behavior, resist attempts to betray them, practice self-compassion, cultivate boundaries, find a support system, build self-esteem and confidence, and consider seeking professional help. Children of narcissistic parents often suffer intensely and alone, leading to low self-esteem and mental health challenges in later life. Narcissism is one of ten personality disorders and is included in the DSM-5 as a diagnosed mental health condition.
How to set boundaries when co-parenting with a narcissist?
To protect yourself and your children from co-parenting with a narcissist, set six boundaries: Be clear about what you won’t accept, stick to a schedule, keep communication to a minimum, don’t engage, keep your personal life personal, and get a legally binding plan. Co-parenting with a narcissist can feel hopeless, as they use their relationship with your child to take control. It’s essential to set boundaries soon to protect your innocent children and avoid being run over.
How do I let go of my narcissistic parents?
The process of dealing with a narcissistic parent necessitates a multifaceted approach, encompassing forgiveness, the disruption of cyclical patterns, the navigation of grief, the expansion of knowledge, the establishment of boundaries, the prioritization of self-care, the maintenance of healthy relationships, and the pursuit of external support.
📹 5 Signs You Have a Wounded Inner Child (How to Heal)
In this video, we are going to teach you how to heal from a wounded inner child. This video is for anyone who feels like they have …
Complex trauma, complex ptsd…when I became a parent I became the parent I always wanted, nurturing and protective. Then I adopted two little girls, and everything I did for them was healing to me. I raised a house full of kids, and it was absolutely healing to see them grow up confident, happy, and loved. That’s my revenge, the ability to love and be loved. 😏
I just realized how meaningful the symbolism in the Rapunzel story is. A tower that keeps you safe but traps you from the outside world? A safe place that’s toxic and the dangerous outside world full of fresh air and new experiences? Literally hair that grows and has magic powers until it’s cut and she’s free from it?
This article made me sob. Since childhood ive always been mentally caught in trauma and now youve put it into a label. I have adhd and have a very hard time processing things and emotions, so if i dont reflect i would literally never know how i felt about anything or understood why anything happened. I grew up with parents who have anger issues and didnt comfort me much at all and forced me to face the world on my own, so that alone has given me a lot of trauma and my inner child is very wounded. Add on everything else ive been through and if you artistically represented what the child would look like then itd be like a brutal murder scene. Im working through it all now and im so thankful for this website, thank you for what you do. Its so validating to understand that what i go through and do is normal
I definitely have a wounded child. I was told years ago that I was too old for my Barbies. I eventually had to sneak them out but kept pushing them away during most parts of my life. I finally accepted that I truly love them because I love to do things with them. They ground me and take the edge off in the anxiety that I might be feeling. I now have some Barbies again. And I’m being mindful by making things for them. I have felt way better since then. I called them my coping girls.
The only one I don’t think I can ever do is 3. explore the past, I’m sure many can but my head made a conscious choice to block out much of the abuse I endured and I feel digging into those memories will just uncork the dark places I’ve done everything to forget. I’m happy not knowing, the less I know of then the more I can heal now 💜
I didn’t get any or very little love as a child. I was never thought how to handle the worlds challenges. I had to care for myself. It’s now time to forgive my inner child for all the emotions, and take care of it. I am 49 and suffer from anxiety, people pleasing and give too much of myself away. I am very loving but also seek confirmation. Learning to accept myself and the shortcomings I have is a life long struggle. Now and then I have had suicidal thoughts and also got professional help. But I have realised that I have to help myself. I am an adult now and I can stand up for my inner child. There is no need to be afraid anymore.
I’ve also connected with the story of Rapunzel and Tangled. My parents were narcissists and were controlling and overbearing. They didn’t let me hang out with friends or even family so as an only child I often felt like my room was my ‘tower’. Having adhd, my mom often made comments about me not being able to stand on my own. I struggle now with isolating myself whenever I’m down or struggling. It’s bittersweet bc I do like my space as an introvert but I often feel lonely as well. Loneliness is something I know too well. Currently in the process of escaping my tower and breaking free but it’s scary as hell
I am 52, diagnosed with complex PTSD a year ago. The best thing I ever did was start working on healing my inner child. Like some of the comments here I also thought I could forget about my past, but it comes back with vengeance. You have to do the work to heal. It’s hard, but I am getting better every day. Thanks for your post, more people need to learn about inner child work.
Sometimes, the best way to care for your inner child (& your inner teen & your inner young adult) is to get the heck away. I left my parents’ house at 19, moved across the country, and never went back. Even when my mother finally reached out to me, I didn’t go back. I talked to her on the phone once a week, sent cards and gifts for birthdays and major holidays, but still stayed as far as I could without leaving the country. I got counseling, got married, had my child, and followed the advice my counselor and parenting classes. Now I’m 69, my daughter is 35, and we are did fine & continuing fine.
I had that inner wounded child.. but I started parenting myself since I was 14.. Without knowing any of these advices.. Yep, it may sounds weird but.. I had amazing results out of that skill.. Now I’m in my 20s.. And yea, becoming aware bout what’s happening around you, even inside of ur family is very important to keep ur mind in well shaped.. as may it sounds horrible.. but u have to do it..
One of the most painful memories of my childhood Has been seeing how isolated was from gentle love. No adult in my life ever spoke to me and asked why I didn’t fit in. I was a shy sad unsocialised child. Afraid and emotionally frozen I cut off my pain to numb my body. I numbed my emotions to not feel.
“Somewhere I Belong – Linkin Park” (Mike Shinoda (Chester Bennington):) (When this began) I had nothing to say And I’d get lost in the nothingness inside of me (I was confused) And I let it all out to find That I’m not the only person with these things in mind (Inside of me) But all the vacancy the words revealed Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel (Nothing to lose) Just stuck, hollow and alone And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own (Chester Bennington:) I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long (Erase all the pain ’til it’s gone) I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along Somewhere I belong (Mike Shinoda (Chester Bennington):) And I’ve got nothing to say I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face (I was confused) Looking everywhere only to find That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind (So what am I?) What do I have but negativity ‘Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me (Nothing to lose) Nothing to gain, hollow and alone And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own (Chester Bennington:) I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long (Erase all the pain ’til it’s gone) I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along Somewhere I belong I will never know myself until I do this on my own And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed I will never be anything ’til I break away from me I will break away, I’ll find myself today I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long (Erase all the pain ’til it’s gone) I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along Somewhere I belong I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong Somewhere I belong youtu.
I honestly can’t remember a time in childhood when I felt loved or was happy. It was a nightmare I was always trying to escape… started running away at the age of 6 and I still want to escape from the world and go to heaven where I hope to finally find relief and acceptance in the arms of God… because nobody seems to understand or like me here because of my emotional instability and when I try to shine they think I need to be taken down a notch and humble myself so they aren’t uncomfortable I guess
I know I have a lot of those and I have tried many therapists. Is hard to find one that connects with me, one of them felt I was too old to hang on to some of the wound because I now have life experiences. Now that I have children pay for a therapist is just too much. Honestly I have much better conversation with older people who are strangers than a therapists. I don’t know if I can ever heal some of my pain but I will try my best. Thank you for the article.
I got Cpstd from childhood trauma. When i get burnt out at work i might mess up a bit. And hear my stepmoms voice in my head bringing me back into my childhood. Where she was calling me stupid, worthless, and a moron for making mistakes. Then I get stuck in the moment kind of thing for days. It took years of inner healing and stopping my triggers as things would trigger me all the time. I have some coworkers whom truly understand my triggers now. Normally my triggers only happen when I am burnt out, or that time of the month. Meditating helps with calming my triggers down, I do also have a service dog now though I rarely bring him with me nowadays in stores. And he ain’t allowed in the kitchen at my work. Which is okay. My job worked with me so much😅. I’ve learned to cope. It helps alot.
The divorce on my parents had to get me to rethink of my past due to my relationship with both of my parents and it was a toxic environment I was glad to get away from but it used to send triggers to my mind until talking to my counselor about it. That was the inner child for me to start to be happy with myself. I had to think of when I was happy until the breaking point where all hell broke loose and I lost the person I once knew. But in the end I had to forgive my dad for his mistakes. And I had to write my thoughts down in a journal for two years along with other mental health issues as well. I’m more happier today than I was until the last 3 years of my teenage life. I’m more happier now around christ-centered people and my faith as well. Don’t let your past make you bitter, let it make you better.
i couldnt figure out what it was causing me to fall into an abyss of grief. Seeing myself now still sees the kid i used to be, happy and innocent with dreams. now my experiences of the past has seem to wounded that child that my guardian resides within a demonic entity to take control how i act. this is an ongoing thing in my life that i need to get resolved and finally let that inner child pass on to the next life and leave things to the grown up version he become.
Mine goes back to my school days, I came through school in the 70s, I wasn’t very bright, but I was very artistic, and I still am. I used to get into trouble for drawing and just being creative of which I was at such a young age, I ended up believing that being an artist meant you were just lazy, ignorant, and useless. I am now 59 years of age, and I am bloody furious, I hope all my old teachers read this from their place in hell, I am screaming at them from my living soul, I hope they hear my screams and never rest in peace!!!!!!!
My dad was a shirt-tempered, controlling, and narcissistic asshole when I was a kid, so this definitely explains why I’m almost 40 and can’t get my life going. I can’t shake the feeling that I need help or permission to do anything or go anywhere even though I don’t. I feel completely worthless. Everything I could’ve done with my life and the person I could’ve been are all gone because of him. He always had a very unhealthy nostalgia for when my sister and I were little kids and he made sure he’d do anything to stop us from evolving as people no matter the cost. Luckily, my sister didn’t stand for it and she’s doing very well today, but I was too weak to fight it. Now I have no real chance at a future and just want to die. Granted, he’s mellowed since then, but the damage is done and he’s completely unaware he’s done anything wrong. I try to let it go and move past it, but it’s just not possible. It’s like admitting defeat and I don’t want to give him that conformation, even though he’s already won. I can’t fucking stand that prick.
Glad you posted this as it helped me to fight my demons. I have to talk to myself like I’m the parent I needed as I child. It’s like I had to gaslight myself. Exploring the past is crucial but dangerous if you don’t know what your thoughts and emotions are trying to tell you. Now I keep journal to write things down and process it.
I found therapy definitely helps! The writing letter part is really good. Also I think of my future children I don’t have yet and what I’d tell them. I also look at pictures of myself as a child and tell her I love her and I’m sorry. That things at that age were not my fault but now I can break free from my parents mistakes and make a better life for myself. It’s hard as my adult life were full of mistakes due to an unhealed inner child but it’s never too late to change and do better.
My inner child is wounded beyond repair, any time my thoughts wander to those times it feels like i am suffocating and that was a good 26 years ago. I hope there is a very warm and unpleasant place in hell for people like my grade 4 teacher. If it was not for the amazing angel of a person in who’s class I ended up in grade 5 I doubt I would be a functioning part of society today.
II have huge problems in my life and in my trying to figure out what’s wrong with me I’ve ended up at abandonment issues. I didnt think this was an issue for me but looking back my mother who I lived with remarried when I was 8yo and my stepfather was very controlling of her time. Then my father died when I was 10yo. Shortly after that my mom started a few companies and we were millionaires overnight. Whatever time I had left with my mother was now completely gone and if anyone knows anything about having BIG money, that in itself is the most lonely thing I’ve ever experienced. Growing up as a kid I would get out of school, let myself into the house and take care of whatever food or entertainment needs I had all on my own. By the time my parents came home it would be well passed my bedtime usually around 11pm or 12pm. Thinking back on all of this, how could I not have abandonment issues?!?! Why have I not ever realized this? Why was this not even an option o me when it all seems so obvious? Hopefully I can start getting some answers now so I can begin healing my life.
Something I’ve realized is that the amount of negative messages I heard from my caregivers as a child I’ve internalized and I feel like everything I do and say is bad, because they told me everyone hates me, and I always do things wrong and make bad decisions. Realizing that that’s how they feel about themselves and had nothing to do with me and separating myself from their opinions and surrounding myself with love and joy is healing. There are good people and good experiences out there, and searching for that has been freeing.
I’ve had a bad past relationship with my big sister. In the present I sometimes still feel like younger me and younger her. I feel tiny, insecure, and I feel like she’s controlling. This is atm not really what’s going on, but with experience that look slightly like the past I tend to see them the way I experienced them. It ruins our present relationship. It has shaped me in multiple ways and it taunts me in a bad way.
When re-parenting myself, every time I show myself compassion and empathy, afterwards I get angry at my parents. I think “You guys sure did a shitty job. 😒” I’m not sure I can ever fully forgive either of them for leaving me so much work to do on myself for the way they raised me. Nothing I did as child warranted the gaslighting, abandonment, neglect, triangulating, etc that my parents inflicted on me. My father is dead, but my mother is alive and still continues some of her bullshit behaviors, and repeatedly attempts to maintain the codependent hold she used to have on me. I’m moving to Chicago this year, and I’m gonna limit her presence in my life much, much more after that. I’m not sure what she’d do with herself without using me as her free therapist/emotional punching bag. Maybe she’ll get an actual punching bag. 🤷♀
About the letter of forgiveness. I would wrote a letter to my old peers who hurst me. Even for my grandma who wasn’t good at my mother, but I don’t think I wrote letter to my father. I didn’t know, but he hurted me more than my peers. After my parents divorced he wasn’t interested to spend time with me or my brother after that. After for many years he found my brother and he wanted from him money. He didn’t want to fix relationship with him. He also didn’t believed that I can achieve something like finish the college with I done. I’m even hate jokes father protecting daughter how help some kind of weapon, because I see them as evil, heartless moster, not a loving and compassion parent. I’ve never felt how’s be to be loved by dad. Also I have a hard time with my brother who didn’t communicate with me and my mom. Only a few time in whole years with isn’t much. And in trying time he didn’t help us. He even didn’t support us by just talking to us if we are ok and if we need his help. Last time when we saw each other he tell names to my mother that wasn’t true and he hurt both of us.
VENT When i was 9 i decided to live with my dad cause my grandma was just rude to me my step mom was a absolute mentally unstable person and she would throw things near me,yell at me,cursed me out,and so much more and i just started losing my emotions hiding them so now im just a grumpy person in general cause i holded all that anger and saddness everyday tho i am getting better mainly cause my mom and dad said things like “i miss that kind and sweet little girl” or “your not like your old self” PLEASE DO NOT TELL ANYONE THIS THINGS IT REALLY HURTS WHEN YOU SAY THOSE THINGS thank you so much for listening to my long old vent
I wish I could remove the pain part of the wound from time to time, and not be at it’s mercy at the smallest of triggers. If only it could be extracted like a bad tooth, or cut of like diseased limb. I’m in my late forties and only now working at addressing this part of my reality, feeling hopeful but it’s hard.
I m right now healing my inner child since 3 years… Thanks for your articles… It helps me a lot… I m always grateful to you my whole life….. I m healing my inner child by continuously saying don’t worry… It’s not your fault it’s ok…. You are human…. Human make mistakes…. Just fix it and move on… And go ahead.. Or no problem if you r feeling low or unproductive today or a whole month…. It’s totally fine…. And I always say that you did this right in past.. You did that right thing in a past…. I know I did countless mistake in my past…. But for healing my inner child I am often remind him good thing that he did in the past …. I always choose to think what I want instead of what I did wrong in past…. I m right now in not so good condition…. But I know it’s because of my wounded inner child who is suffering from childhood trauma…. I m 29 year old….. I m on the way to heal my childhood trauma without any help of psychiatrist….. And I m 50-60% suceed in my way….
I’m not sure how I’m gonna save myself anymore…I’m getting treated, i listen to all the advice of these articles i can, i wish my dad would too..But I’m moving soon anyways, finally. I always been held outside, i felt alone and weird from my childhood. But i also understood everything, i always been more intelligent than anyone i met in person, which honestly suck..Cause i can quickly sound like an idiot. also with Systematic autism, bi polar, abusive and traumatic experiences..A long with my whole life being shit up till now and It still sucks no matter how much I keep fighting and never giving up..I have close to no relations..Except my best friend and ex girlfriend i been heartbroken over for 2 years, because its the first time i ever felt truly loved by someone. Now i just want some peace..:/ I’m also an altruist, i literally can’t take a ego action in life. And I’m living with a egoistic dad. But yeah, my inner child is surely damaged and most of it got pushed back and “forgotten” because i learned to shut it down and not think about it. Even tho being abused by your kindergarten teacher is not something you should keep to yourself…Luckily i didn’t grow up to be abusive or molesting myself, I’m thankful for that! Not to mention how many times i been betrayed, taking advantage for of my altruistic emotions for helping. Everyone i met has been bad for me, yet i wanted their company and did so much. I’m 25 now and both my mental health and physical health is tearing up. I’m also diagnosed with high stress, lowered immune system and i do self harm and weird stuff to myself in my sleep.
If my inner child is wounded, he’s probably put a tourniquet on it himself, because that’s what he learned- if you want something taken care of, there’s no point in asking an authority figure for help because they’re useless at best, so you’re going to have to do it yourself. Anything from resolving a bullying issue with violence because schools do nothing about it to walking miles because you’re tired of having to harass your parents to get a ride to an important function, the little me that lives in my brain is viciously independent and that continues to inform my total refusal to ask for help to this day.
I cannot entirely blame the people for their wrong work particularly the post teen adults. There’s been so much stuffs some kids – teens goes through – Pathetic surrounding, Horrible environment, Awkward situation, And even some of their heart gets brutally damaged at their young age. I mean a naive soul cannot tolerate indiscrimination, injustice,etc still cuz of improper security they all become victim implicitly.
Can you possibly make a article about personality or social faking…by this I mean being introvert but acting extroverted in public or a article about feeling like your not in control of your body/looking out from the inside of a body that doesn’t feel like your own…only if you want to or haven’t already 😅👍
For me, I revisit the hurtful moments and feel that “in the moment” emotion and tell the little me that “you deserve to be seen and heard”. I was ignored by a caregiver, she didn’t even look at me. This was revealed to me as i went back in my mind. Affirmations, nightly reprogramming, R.C. Blakes and Louise Hay has helped ALOT.
During childhood I locked away certain years of my memories having none of them for the past 9 years. I became so cold hearted and developed anti-social barriers. I developed golden child syndrome and didn’t care about it, I have this destructive impulse to hate myself for a long time if I find things not according to what I picture of what’s perfect, it made me a very mean and a terrible person. It’s hard for me to coordinate and live with the society as I don’t have proper memories of my childhood which is one of the most important building blocks of a human being. I began seeing therapists after therapists. Therapists I met simply gave up to me because they see me as a sentient embodiment of hatred to this present time, I have my new therapist for 4 months already trying to encourage me reconnect to the society as a functional one and help me rebuild of what’s lost(past memories and solve them on my own). My journey to reconnecting and making myself as a new person still got a pretty long time. My english grammar is bad it’s my third language 😔
I wish I had someone to talk to,I only speak to my poetry, writing & using music to make me feel better but it’s hard honestly….The narcissist parent I have gets more sinister by the day & I’m not sure what to do anymore,tried asking what I do wrong in life and it got me in trouble,tried praying,my Dad says he doesn’t abuse me and my mom but his actions speak volumes, everyday I’m always in pain…… Thank you for this article,this website is full of angels 💞💞💞💞
I would say that you have a wounded inner child if you allow your thoughts and feelings to be ruled by old news. And if that’s the case, try tapping into something innovative and/or proactive, so you will always have something to look forward to experiencing. Working on a niche project will allow your inner child to play until your heart is content.
It’s an uphill battle – I’m not sure if this is an inner child problem or not, but an experience during my late teens in college made me unwilling to be confident over the fear of screwing up. It’s to a point where I struggle to forgive myself and also where past mistakes or cringy moments I thought to have left behind start intrusively coming back at the worst possible times in my mind. Seriously doubt I’ll ever know the true meaning of recovery after going this far in life.
I liked this article and found the signs interesting. I think I relate to the “wound inner child” concept, but the healing part may not be practically possible. I have a condition — or the entire human race has a condition — where people say and do more than they intend. If orgasms could be non-sexual, then that is basically what I’m sensing; this made interactions with or observations of other people uncomfortable, intrusive or offensive. The result is that I was frightened, angered, and saddened by most — if not all — interactions, basically since birth. Things got complicated when I spoke up about it, so I hid the truth out of fear. I cycled between feeling anger, hatred and malice towards those that caused me to suffer, up until I considered the possibility that people weren’t intending to cause me suffering. I retreated into myself and began observation, hoping that the future me could use the data to comprehend what went wrong. It… didn’t really work; I mean, I decided that the best solution was to find a place in society where I worked best, rather than trying to reinvent or change who I was; but, I just never found it. Eventually, I got tired of suppressing my opinions and thoughts, and eventually I spoke up. But… my parents didn’t comprehend, and neither did psychologists, psychiatrists or psychotherapists. And I’ve come to accept that I’m just not comprehensible to humanity: I’m a… psychotic exception, to the social rule.
So i had a very wounded inner child. I became I a babysitter (also that was only job I could with my skills) thanks to that job I had learned how to care for kids in non toxic way how to talk to them in difficult stressful situations. It was difficult I could see the patterns that my parents had put into me and I had to be very aware to no longer act the same way toward the kid I am taking care of. Fortunately it turned out I did a great job and kids love me and I had learn how to take care of my own inner child thanks to this and that’s amazing I didn’t even know that I have had so much love to offer to myself and others. I am healing it takes time today I am feeling down I am sick had to stay in bed and I feel like I am behind in life with some things. But that is ok because I had a hard time recently and I am taking my time to recover. Everyone have a great day!
Undoubtedly and without the shadow of a doubt, my inner child was wounded beyond all recognition. My dad, a casebook Jekyll & Hyde mentally who was also a narcissist…. He abused our entire family and abused me in every way a person could be abused…. I tested high mentally pre nursery… Actually my sister and I both did. But both of us were continually compared to each other…. And I was often punished when I wasn’t being a “good example” to my sister either behaviorally or accademically …. Or both…. Yay! Fun times at our house. We were taught to suppress our emotions and discomfort… hide it if we had a cold and such…. And so we functioned as a family until he decided to leave us for another woman. She’s actually a good stepmom and didn’t allow him to get away with the stuff my mom never felt she had the choice to. The problem I’d been dealing with the most was trying to step forward away from the past and become more than just a survivor….. I think this will really help me to finally heal . Thank you so much for this new patch of “Yellow Brick Road” I’ve been “Ease’n on Down.…… The Road”. And thank you for that glimpse of the Rainbow that might be out there for me🎉
Just venting here, I feel like I had such a rough childhood growing up. I had food on the table and a roof over head so I can’t say I had it the worst but my mom is bipolar and my dad is a drug addict. There was soo damn many inconsistent people in my life and I’ve been taken advantage of so much and every single time I tried to defend myself in school or at home I was always the asshole for not “sucking it up and being a man” I have such a distorted world view and im so damn scared of people I look at everyone and think they’re only talking to me because they have some ulterior motives behind it. I feel so much shame in me whenever I defend myself
Here’s the problem with the inner child model. Its not too people its all the same. In a sense, its ONLY the wounded child. When you are dealing with issues you were never prepared for, you are ONLY that helpless child, no matter how old you are. Its no wonder in the right situation that you can be consumed by fear and helplessness. Even if you’re a parent of your own child, you can look after them, but not yourself.
……..😢😢😢😢 my inner child is completely broken….. my inner child He/She I’m a Transgender mtf I’ve experienced some good in my life… but I’ve experienced a lot ALOT of trauma and pain…. It’s so hard… mental health has been shot to crap…. I can’t feel happy…. She’s broken… n I’m broken… so much negativity in my life….😢😢😢😢 Why…. WHY ME GAWDDAMIT!!!! 😢😢😢😢
I don’t think I fully understand the inner child concept. I understand child upbringing can form how a person acts and behaves, but if I’m understanding this article correctly then I don’t think I want my inner child healed. My past is what gives me motivation to continue moving forward, if I allow the inner child to be healed would that take away from my motivation and drive? What exactly would I do after I’ve healed my inner child? So many questions so little answers.
I was beaten. & raped in 7th grade by a group of kids in a reform/ private school because I was kicked out of the public school in 5th grade by a teacher who labeled me “crazy!” As a result of those rapes & beatings on a daily basis, I have NO sexual feelings or urges at all today! (I’m 76 yrs old–going to be 77 in September)
I really hated Tangled. I didn’t think Dame Gothel worked as a “funny” character — and yes, they were absolutely playing that character for laughs. She just fell flat. If she had been more joyless, like Lady Tremaine, she would have been a much more credible villain. They could have still had her be a total narcissist; she just would have worked better without all the “jokes”. I also really hated how the movie tried to have it both ways: be schmaltzy, but adopt some weak snark as an insurance policy. The movie needed to commit to one approach or the other. Also, the songs were pretty bad.
This is pretty useless stuff if you aren’t guided by an excellent mental health professional. No chance trying to get to a traumatised inner child in a healthy way without professional support. Your protective coping mechanisms would block you, whatever they are. Avoidance, intellectualisation, addiction, anxiety, depression etc.
I hate so many of these recommendations. The first one — parent yourself! No shit sherlock. That’s why I have an attachment avoidant style. It’s what I’ve had to do my whole life. Write a forgiveness letter! Yes, now that my parents aren’t parents and they’ve successfully let me replace them by parenting myself, let me write them a letter and tell them that it’s really okay! Swear it! This is the worst article with the absolute worst advice possible in it. This is what it looks like when therapists collude with abusers.
Tbh I don’t know whats up with me. I feel like my inner child never really got what it desired even if it was playing childhood games or getting hugs or even lolipops from the nice receptionists… I feel like I haven’t really grown from that time from the time I was 9 years old… I think that the reason is that we moved to a new country and my new class weren’t so active as me. And few years later I ended up being a loner. I don’t even care anymore. I don’t care about anything. I’m being labelled as “lazy”, “ungrateful” and that I’m overreacting. I barely have the energy to stand up and go get some water. I’m mentally exhausted from all of it. I even suspect that I might have social anxiety… Ok now I feel stupid after writing this might delete it later 👀
@Psych2Go could you guys make a article for people who have panic attacks, and how to help them, like others if they’re going through it, or just help oneself recover through it. Cause I often find myself helpless having fits and having trouble breathing and i just lay down until i feel better but it makes me feel helpless, and whenever i see anyone i know how through it i wanna help them but i don’t exactly know how to, and no one is clear about it…..❤ Love your articles Thank you for everything you guys are doing..
🐾 My first name literally is Rafunzel but with an F lol. I don’t fully understand the story of that fairytale. But we have something in common (according to this article) we both are afraid (not confident enough) to try new things. We both have wounded inner child and low self-esteem. I met some people who believe in me more than I believe in myself. College friends, my older sister in rehabilitation center and some random people I talked to. I am capable of appreciating other people’s qualities but I am having hard time seeing one in myself (I mean talents) But I don’t easily compare myself to others idk because I believe in diversity? That we are all different – things that will make us happy, how we look, preference in a lot of things. That’s why I don’t understand people who hate then turn out to be copycats it’s good to admire others and be inspired but be a copycat? Idk. I think it’s weird and creepy sometimes. Imagine trying to be someone else instead of focusing to be your better self. You will never be happy living that way. Okay I talk a lot again. Lol
The mistake I made in my 20s was giving my inner child too much influence. I began identifying my parents with the adult world, so I never developed the drive to meet the demands of that world. A lot of those demands are, of course, bullshit, and meeting them is a series of ordeals. But unless you go thru all that, other adults sense that the inner child – the one they mastered so long ago – is still at work in you. This makes trust, friendships, relationships – always hard in adulthood – essentially impossible. You don’t fit in with anyone, individual or group, and everywhere you turn, you’re reminded of that.
I have a friend that was from a mother who was molested as a child and her mother was negotiating, very ABUSIVE mentally and physically and the middle child is a female and my friend went to a psychiatrist and he told her she had suppressed memories of someone who absolutely traumatized her but he was going to hypnotized her 4th level it’s hidden so deep. She refused to do it since she can’t even remember being raped. She has a good idea who he was. 4 siblings raised by a single mother who was dating her dad’s best friend and the they all got drunk alot. My mom was a very hurtful uncaring and beat my friend when she remembered 6 years old and she thought that was going to kill her. There’s alot more. This poor woman now is older and her mother is almost 88. Her mother accused her of lying about anything to this day. Her mother never did do anything for my friend and she was struggling in school and was beat by a wooden piece of wood everyday and she hit her extremely hard for nothing much. I mean if you only knew her siblings all 3 abusive and absent father. I know she’s having trouble but she doesn’t tell anymore to her therapist. She’s in late 50’s and she lives alone and she has a sweet, loving, empathetic soul and she’s learning.
I’m only 28 years old, and I feel like I’m on the cusp of losing my youth and begrudgingly accepting becoming old. I’m supposed to be a mature, independent adult, but the little kid in me was never really loved, so he’s afraid of the entire world. I don’t know if my parents did the best job they could’ve, but i grew up with much difficulty and traumatic situations. Eventually, the longer you keep it bottled up, the more it’ll hurt as you get older because you’ve never allowed yourself to heal.
Another tip for inner child healing that helps: if you lived your childhood in lack mentality, it can be helpful to provide something to that aspect of yourself that you would’ve wanted as a kid… it might seem silly at 1st, but there are likely some things you would have loved to have as a kid.❤️🩹(you can always do a meditation & ask that version of yourself what they would most like)
I still remember so many terrible nights getting “help” with my math homework. When it took too long for me to understand things My stepdad would yell and get angry at me. When he kept yelling to the point that I started to cry, my mother would tell him to stop but he would tell her that I’m just playing mind games. I don’t know why he got so angry when I didn’t understand. hell, I even got yelled at by my math teacher in the sixth grade.
I didnt know that my parents hurt my inner child. My mother was always stressed about money when I was growing up. So she barely have time to support my emotional needs. I remember being independent since I was in 2nd grade. I do my own assignments. But when I wanted to join sports like taekwondo, they didnt allow me because my mother said she is afraid I might get hurt. When I wanted to do piano lessons. She said we dont have money. I was sheltered. They dont let me do what I want, they try to prevent me from going out of the house and be with neighbors because they are concern about what other people say about me. I became so sheltered that until now I became so shy to socialize. I have social anxiety. My mother always afraid that my father will blame her if something happens to me. I grew up with those emotions, my mothers fear and anxiety. I was an only child. I promise when I get to have my own, Ill raise them the way their inner child wont get hurt.
Sorry for the explicit comment but it’s all basically bcs of some shitty parents who are not ready to have a child yet. If by any chance you or someone you know are gonna marry and thinking of having/ adopting a child, if you don’t get your shit together way before you even hold that kid then just use condoms or do an abortion. Having a child means completely taking care of it and not just to provide but also to care and nurture it.
The only way I can live my life is as a husk with no inner child to speak of. There used to be an inner child but then he was mistreated and misunderstood by everyone around him and punished by his parents for reacting out of emotional distress because it looked like he was having a tantrum but really just couldn’t say anything. He was forced to accept the abuse of everyone until he was found dead. He had his brains shotgun blasted so he couldn’t get an open casket at the funeral. I didn’t even show up. I’m an adult now I just want him to be here with me. I’m sorry I was never there for you. I just want to close my eyes and see you sitting next to me when I open them. I wish I was there with you. I wish I went to the funeral. My sister tells me he’s still alive, hiding under my bed but I’m never able to see or hear him. If you’re still alive, please come out. You’re safe now. Nobody wants to hurt you anymore, if fact you’d be amazed how many people want to see you, be your friend. I want to be your friend. I want to ride bikes with you. I want to eat snacks and play article games, go swimming, traverse through those woods in the backyard of mom’s house and see if the abandoned shopping cart is still there. It’s amazing mom hasn’t abandoned me yet. I’ve hurt her so much and so badly that I honestly don’t understand why she still loves me. I’m nothing without you! You were the thing that gave my life purpose. I just want you to be ok so that I can be okay. I know that’s not the healthiest thing in the world but it’s not like I know anything else.
My inner child has always been insecure and slow to come out of her shell, along with having some self-inflicted damage… and as someone who has gone through many stages of self-help and all these other self-taught psychology hacks, I can say that some of these are only a waste of time. The only ones that actually worked for me were the ones that provided the very basic steps, like positive self-talk, having mantras/affirmations, and meditation.
Even though I see the intelligence in ‘healing my inner child’ by being a better parent, I’m still scared that,if I were put in a parenting role, I’d fall to what I learned when I was young and perpetuate the bad parenting I experienced My mom tried to perpetuate the lie that certain roles are assigned to a person based on gender, most notable for me, men don’t show emotion. I’ve taken glee in perusal articles that support my belief that I’d be a drunk or dead if I had actually followed that. Also that women had no place outside of the home, I’ve taken pleasure in associating with and supporting women who have staked their claim outside of this preconception
I find it a great help to do what I wanted to do as a child but my parents for some reason wouldn’t let me or would sabotage it, or they did do it with me but I just stopped doing that. For example fun stuff like trampoline park, or painting drawing with out any expectations and any judgment or swimming pool or dance in whatever way I want to with out caring if it looks good. All of that helps me
On the topic of inner childs, i literally had a dream one time of me in the woods and as im walking i see my younger self hiding behind a bush. i dont remember much but she seemed a little sad. as soon as i said our name she morphed into present me. a few other things happened but they arent really interesting, then i woke up.
I have a question, why do i like to talk more to my teachers than to other kids, i’m in colege and my only friends are 6 or 7 people and some of my teachers and i’m getting confused by that, it might be my autism and weird interests, how can i be friends with more people? Or at least find someone to talk about something i and they like
Does anyone have experience in while trying to heal your own inner child you also have young children you are trying to be a better parent to? I find I’m hyper aware of what I say and do and how it affects my children so I try and be better but I’m also still trying to heal myself so sometimes I respond in a way which I later feel guilty about and it becomes a vicious cycle. Any one else going through the same?
I’m sorry but i strongly disagree with one of the last sentences in this article “history does repeat itself” my father was an abusive person to both myself and my mother and because of that i made it my life mission to not take that road and i have been in situations that would have lead to that same end result but managed to always keep myself from diverting my path into one that would be a repeat of the past. I admit that sometimes i think i need help to heal my “inner child” but with enough will power you can break these historic cicles that tend to repeat, it all about choice as in; do you want to become that which you hated?? Because this is a moment that can make or brake it… and the obvious (for me at least) is brake it. It’s a split second decision to change your family history.
This kinda helped me a bit. I had a mental breakdown two nights before and I couldn’t even move at all yesterday. My parents didn’t really help much cuz whenever I talk to them it’s lecture and I feel pathetic. Yet they yell at me for calling myself that even tho they keep saying what I cry about it BS. So idk what to feel. It’s article kinda helped me. I finally am gonna go see a Therapist and I’ll ask if they think that this is valid. Cuz I never felt like I was a kid much in my childhood..thanks for making this article it helped a lot
I feel stupid because of my grades and not being able to do the things right, no caregiver or anyone ever told me i was stupid or lazy, but i know that i am, i keep telling myself in my head i am getting lazy and stupider, i cannot help but compare myself with people in my age group and younger, i feel incompetent and keep thinking am i wasting time, i worry unnecessarily and waste lot of time, and not being able to find the true source of worry, keeps the cycle repeating, i miss out on a lot because of how much i keep myself busy but i dont regret it, i regret not working at my best efficiency, i need to devise a plan to make my laziness go away for ever, i hurt myself a lot to compensate for the time i lost, i am not a good parent to myself, and i honestly don’t know how to be a good parent, i dont want a kind caregiver but a strict one who keeps pushing me to my limits and overtime i can expand it.
I have a deep relationship with my mom almost movie like, she had made lot of sacrifices for me all her life, no one can care like she does and i never met anyone with the same relationship values as her, another like her probably don’t exist. So my values and expectations are tooo high and i am never gonna meet them so i will try to be a good caregiver to myself
I have a very deep wound from the childhood trauma. My dad is an alcoholic and there was a bit of domestic abuse. I was terrified as a kid always scared and shaking inside. Even now my dad doesn’t accept any of his mistakes. According to him he loves me a lot, he lives for me. But he treats my mother very badly in an inhuman way. All this has caused deep trauma and every time I point out even the smallest mistake there is a huge fight and all my trauma comes out. Will inner child healing help me?
I wish I could tell my inner child that everything said about having to be perfect is a lie. Perfection is what we can decide it to be and because of that, it doesn’t exist. With that in mind, also telling them to not be afraid to take the steps into something. I don’t have to feel or act the same way others do simply to appear as normal as possible despite my ASD. Or even anything. I don’t have to correct false judgements family or others make of me. I don’t have to wallow in pity if some negative event comes up. I can be resilient if I choose to be.
i’m already well aware of the things that traumatized my inner child. the hard part is not being retraumatized by present-day actions. as an example, my mom always told me my efforts weren’t good enough. i had to wash the dishes, but the job i did wasn’t good enough. i got an A- on a test, but my grades weren’t good enough. and as a parent myself now, i will make something for dinner – the best i can pull together because i’m no gourmet chef and i don’t even really like cooking – and my son tells me he doesn’t like it. it’s not good enough. i don’t know how to “reparent” myself or heal from that trauma when it just skipped a generation (god knows “good enough” is my mantra with him and his sister, literally the bare minimum gets an “eh good enough, go play” from me).
I just realized that during my childhood, my therapists told my mother I don’t share much. I remember my parents always told me “Tell us! Talk! You MUST tell us your secrets and things that bother you!” That’s why I refused to talk. I felt pressured, making me feel like my feelings were not mine. That my feelings are to be shared whether I like it or not, and I felt unsafe… So I didn’t speak. I was quiet… I shut up and suffered. I wish they had given me time then… Maybe so many issues would be solved…
I dislike it so much when people focus so much on “trauma or a wounded inner child is all about how your parents treated you”, because FOR ME that simply is not true. Maybe it’s true for everyone else, but my parents are truly wonderful and have done nothing to hurt me. They’ve only tried to help me. See, the reason I had trauma and a wounded inner child is because I let my anxiety run wild. My anxiety is my biggest and only bully and narcissist and everything like that. Nothing caused my anxiety either, it’s just been there since birth, and my careful attributes feed it even more
Seeing this article did hit the nail on its head, showing me ive had a problem for the longest time but didnt know how to explain it to others. My day is mostly full of triggers that send me back to the past where something embarrassing happened and where i just experience every single feeling all over again. I have learned to live with it kind of, i learned to shut it out. To push it back into the closet and lock the door again. This article made me realise i need to find a way to let it all out. The doctor usually says you gonna feel worse before you feel better right? Haha Thank you for giving my unnamed issue a name, and for giving me the ‘motivation’ to find a method to deal with it in a healthy way.