Astrological compatibility is not only applicable to romantic relationships but also in friendships. Pisces, known for their kindhearted nature, can be calculated through astrological compatibility by using a free application that compares all the planets of two people’s astrological charts. AstroAdvice offers personalized astrological readings and love compatibility insights, providing insight into any friendship, regardless of its duration.
Aries, known for their fiery nature and frankness, are often the life of the party, but astrology is not a credible way to understand their beliefs. Astrologers don’t know you or your friend, and they don’t know the effects of your interactions. To steer conversations away from strong beliefs without being rude or buzzkilling, it’s important to avoid dismissing their beliefs or mocking them.
Aries’ compatibility with compatible signs like Leo and Sagittarius aligns with their high energy and appetite for new experiences. Jupiter, a planet in space, may be a favorite planet for Aries, as they have a fascination with astrology.
In conclusion, understanding the compatibility of a person’s zodiac sign with their friends can provide valuable insights into their relationships and personal growth. By recognizing the strengths and weaknesses of each zodiac sign, individuals can better navigate their relationships and maintain a healthy relationship with others.
📹 SIGNS YOUR FRIENDS ARE TOXIC ❌🚩 #shorts #advice
These are signs that your friendship is toxic these things are not normal so please do not get used to them i used to think a lot of …
Can astrologers be wrong?
Astrology is a complex field that involves the study of celestial events and their effects on individuals’ horoscopes. However, some astrologers may attempt to connect these celestial events with individual horoscopes based on their rashi, which can lead to the failure of predictions. This is because the system of Medini is not always applicable to the prediction of individual events, and dasa systems may support survivors in surviving.
Ignoring divisional charts in making predictions about individuals has become a common practice among recent astrologers. This is due to the need for accurate time of birth, skillful calculation and interpretation of divisional charts, and the need for time-consuming analysis. In today’s fast-paced world, this is not possible, and birth time rectification is necessary for proper use of divisional charts.
Another cause of failure in astrological predictions is the error of the astrologer. A professional astrologer with depth of knowledge and egolessness is essential for accurate predictions. The science of astrology is complete in itself, and human interpretation can be questioned.
Divine intervention in prediction is another significant factor. In the Mahabharata battleground, Lord Krishna showed his Vishwaroop to Arjun for counseling and reminding him to his duties. However, God concealed this information from Arjun, and no astrologer could predict what God wanted to conceal. A competent astrologer who meditates or prays regularly, is egoless, knowledgeable, and thinks themselves as a Nimit (conduit).
The failure of prophets of doom predictions has also been a concern. Western astrologers have often made predictions about the end of the world due to specific planet arrangements, but this has also failed. Some western astrologers argue that astrology originated in Babylon, Egypt, and Rome, while Vedic astrology is considered a more competent system for analyzing future happenings.
Finally, the importance of considering country, time, and individual factors in predicting predictions has also been emphasized. While child marriage was once the main practice in Vedic times, it has become illegal and astrology should adapt to modern times. Astrological predictions should correlate with the changing nature of society and the astrologer should understand the trend to make relevant predictions.
In conclusion, astrological remedies may sometimes fail due to various reasons, including the use of divisional charts, egolessness, and the need for accurate predictions.
Who is the world No 1 astrologer?
Dr. Kartick Chakraborty, a globally recognized top astrologer, offers personalized solutions to various aspects of life, including work, finances, family issues, and relationship dynamics. His deep understanding of astrology principles and Vashikaran techniques allows him to provide personalized solutions that resonate with the energies of the universe. His expertise can help individuals reignite lost love, resolve family or financial conflicts, and guide them towards lasting happiness and prosperity.
Testimonials from satisfied clients praise Dr. Chakraborty’s astrological guidance as transformative. They found clarity in their professional path and witnessed tangible success, highlighting his expertise as the best astrologer in the world. His insights and predictions have helped individuals navigate challenges and achieve success in their lives.
Is online astrology accurate?
The accuracy of online astrologers is often questionable due to their lack of face recognition and education, which makes it challenging to evaluate their experience and expertise.
Is astrology a coping mechanism?
It is frequently observed that individuals facing significant life challenges may turn to astrology as a means of coping with these difficulties. During periods of significant historical upheaval, such as the Great Depression of the 1930s and the interwar period in Germany, astrology has gained considerable popularity. However, the advent of the SARS-CoV-2 pandemic has given rise to a resurgence of interest in astrology, as it offers a means of making sense of one’s life and providing solace during challenging times.
Are horoscopes bad for mental health?
Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as “confirmation bias”, where people focus on sections of a horoscope that support their beliefs, ignoring the rest. While reading a horoscope can provide a sense of order or meaning to life, it lacks scientific basis, making it unsuitable for acting on. Sandbek, a psychic, believes that people who regularly consult horoscopes seek guidance rather than comfort.
He believes most people seek information about themselves or what to do. Holmes, for example, pays special attention to her horoscope when curious or experiencing changes, as it helps explain what’s happening.
Do zodiac signs describe your personality?
Abstract. 3074 young men resident in the canton of Zurich, representing 50% of the 19 year old male population, form the fully representative sample of our large scale investigation. We investigated whether personality traits measured by means of the differentiated “Freiburger personality inventory” (FPI) could in any way be correlated to the signs of the zodiac under which the young men were born. The statistical analysis did not reveal any correlation between signs of the zodiac and personality. The claim made by astrologers that people can be characterized according to their sign of the zodiac (sagitarius, taurus, cancer, scorpion) must be refuted. Of course the astrologically founded description of human personality does not base itself on the position of the sun only, however the latter does form a very essential part of the astrological evaluation of people. This, at any rate has been shown to be without any scientific basis. The fact that astrological evaluation of human personality is so popular nowadays can be explained by the fact that even modern people are inclined towards magical thinking.
Pellegrini RJ. Pellegrini RJ. J Psychol. 1975 Mar;89(2d Half):261-5. doi: 10. 1080/00223980. 1975. 9915760. J Psychol. 1975. PMID: 1151897.
Why is astrology comforting?
Astrology is a popular coping mechanism for people experiencing life’s complexity. It helps people make sense of their lives and provides comfort during challenging times. Interest in astrology has been increasing during tumultuous times, such as the Great Depression and the coronavirus pandemic. This is due to the lack of meaning maps provided by traditional institutions and the welcoming nature of astrology, unlike other institutions that have failed to do so. Astrology has become a tool for comfort and understanding during challenging times.
What can astrology tell you about a person?
Astrology is an ancient wisdom that studies a person’s life through birth indicators like birth year, date, month, and star position. It provides insights into various possibilities a person might face in life. Astrology is not a pseudo-science or future-predicting machinery, but an ancient wisdom that allows individuals to choose their path based on their own free will. The sun sign in astrology represents the core essence, and no force can coerce an individual out of their free will.
How to identify a fake astrologer?
In astrology, it is crucial to choose an astrologer who follows ethical practices and doesn’t exploit vulnerabilities. Trustworthy astrologers focus on providing guidance rather than instilling fear. Reviews and testimonials from others who have consulted the same astrologer can provide valuable information about the astrologer’s reliability and accuracy. Many reputable astrologers offer trial sessions or consultations at a lower cost, allowing individuals to experience their approach firsthand without a significant financial commitment. The upcoming Astro event “The Open Mind Astro Summit 2023” organized by The Times of India will provide more insight into how astrology helps us grow in life and how to use its magic in our favor.
Can astrologers describe people’s personality?
The notion that astrological information, such as a person’s birth sign, can offer insight into their personality is a widely held belief. However, there is a significant lack of scientific evidence to support this belief.
Where can I talk to astrologers on chat for free?
AstroKun is a distinctive online platform that enables users to engage in real-time communication with India’s leading astrologers, offering them a convenient avenue to seek guidance on any astrological matters they may have.
📹 8 Signs of a Toxic Friendship | Sharon Livingston | TEDxWilmingtonWomen
There are stories of people with bullets in their head who don’t even know it. Many more people are living with toxic friendships …
I remember being in a very negative space, and I was the toxic friend. Everything she describes, I was. My friend was my therapist and everything was all about me. Poor girl. She did not deserve that. 😞 she separated herself from me and I was so mad, I thought she abandoned me. It took a lot of self reflection to realize that I was the problem, not her.
The super attached friend usually ends up being a toxic friend. I found that my more healthy friends have their own lives, our friendship is important but not everything. So it’s important to have many friends. No one friend can meet all of our friendship needs. I also agree that “best friend” is a childish concept-I love each of my friends for their unique qualities, I don’t need to play favorites. I might be closer to one or two friends at a certain point in time, but that can change
1. Making you compete with other friends. 2. Negative criticism. 3. Your friend tells you that you need to change. 4. Having to walk on eggshells. 5. Being on an emotional Roller coaster. 6. You listen to their issues but they don’t listen to yours. 7. Who calls who and when. 8. The stress effects your health negatively. Credit to +StrangeViolette
The worst thing is when you realize your friend is so much nicer to other friends of her. It should have been an eye-opening moment when I noticed it but I kind of forgot It. Thanks for the reminder! Sometimes it’s not about bad people – it’s more about bad relationships and the level power over each other. Toxic friendships is such an important topic.
One of the most draining kinds of “friendship” is one in which someone is so generous of time and service, so flattering, that it takes you years to figure out that you have been sucked into a relationship of obligation and interpersonal “debt” because you have been used as a prop to hold up someone else’s ego. It’s a variation on the way child molestors draw children into their trust orbit before they do anything ugly.
Here are the 8 signs: 1. You find yourself in a competition with her other “best friends.” What? Her other best friend gives her more? Does fun things you can’t? Has things in common with her that you would never want? And why do you know this about her other friend, anyway? 2. There’s an imbalance in talk time — all for the friend, none for you. You call her and she tells you about how lousy her day has been or how great her day was. Then you start telling her about what’s happening with you and…she apologizes but has to get off the phone because, well, she has many reasons why, but the reality is that she leaves without having listened to you or your concerns or joys. 3. Your best friend blurts out criticism with a self-righteous attitude Honesty is important in any relationship. But what happened to kindness? What’s this idea about brutal truth being something to aspire to? It’s still brutal — and damaging. She tells you, “You know, you are just too needy. It’s like you’re a stalker always coming after me.” What? No wonder you feel awful. Be sure you realize that her mean words probably are projections — that is, more accurate as descriptions of how she is than as descriptions of you. 4. Who calls whom? Are you calling her or texting her far more often than she reaches out to you? Do you feel like you’re more interested in talking and getting together than she is? Relationships get toxic when the other person isn’t as invested in you as you are in them. The opposite — feeling stalked by a friend’s incessant demands on your time — can be disturbing as well.
I recently stopped talking to someone who I had called my best friend for years, although I’ve known for a while that the friendship was somewhat toxic. Almost every conversation with her was a rehash of her problems, me trying to give her advice, and then her rejecting said advice. I almost never talked about myself, the conversation usually shifting back to her. It took me a while to find friends that I could count on, come to with my problems. The best advice it to know when you’re in a doomed situation it’s just best to let it stagnate and move on.
This is absolutely true! I had a toxic friend who would discuss with me all her problems endlessly. But whenever I needed help, she would quickly change the topic and get our focus on her issues. It would take me few months to understand this pattern. Then, one day I withdrew all my energy from this friendship. I feel so free and liberated now.
I got out of a toxic friendship a few years ago. She was manipulative, bossy, and self centred. She would tell me to come over, but every time she would be having fun while I had to stand back and watch. She never wanted me to hang out with other people, and when I did she would make me feel bad for not hanging out with her. If there were other people with us like her family members or other friends she would get mad at me if I talked to them. Whenever I said something that wasn’t what she wanted to hear she would turn it down immediately. I tried to end it multiple times telling her that I didn’t like the way that she treated me, but like clockwork she would guilt trip me saying I was her only friend. I became reclusive and quiet even with my friends and family. She made me believe that my opinion didn’t matter, and that I was useless, and less than her. Then, I moved, and it became easier to cut ties with her, because I could use it as an excuse. Eventually I just stopped talking to her, I blocked her on all social media and deleted her contact, yet I felt guilty. I thought that I would be a terrible person if I didn’t sacrifice my happiness for hers. But instead of going back to her I started talking to my friends, I got support from them, they let me know it wasn’t my fault.
Whats crazy is that even after multiple people, including therapists, have told me a friendship was toxic I still question it when I talk about it. I’m still convinced that maybe I did something wrong or I deserved it. They always told me I was the one in the wrong and that its my fault that I feel a certain way, despite them making me feel that way. This manipulation continues even after leaving this friendship. You will always be the bad guy and will leave any conversation with feeling worse about yourself. And if you express this to them they’ll tell you how your crazy, or dramatic. This is gaslighting and once I learned this, everything made sense. After 6 years and after them completely cutting me off I realized there was a bullet in my head.
This is why I am a lone ranger. All the people I call friends never contacted me unless I contact them first. Even when I text them sometimes I don’t get a reply. I haven’t got much luck in friendship in my life. It’s either I’m the one keep contacting them and they never really contact me if I don’t (which proves how they see me in their lives), or I’ll just get ignored because they never reply my texts. I’m getting sick of feeling left out so I just become a lone ranger.
I’ve had toxic friends and I’ve been a toxic friend as well I realized sometimes it really is the best to walk away from a relationship for good of both people. I’ve taken emotional and verbal abuse from others, but I am also guilty of being manipulative and trying to change people and people walking on eggshells around me. I’m going to extract myself from toxic relationships and be my own best friend!!!
my best friend would call me to tell me about her life problems or tell me I need to change my future goals and than she would hang up on me. Then she would claim to have this other best friend that she talks to more often. So I reliezed you know what that’s a toxic friend and I don’t need a friend like that I can be independent.
I’m at the age I no longer care about losing toxic friends and I know the efforts I put in friendship needs to be paid off. no-one is flawless but I quit if I see a few signs such as: *disapproveing boundaries set by me for my wellbeing. * Without atiquette *bad listener and talkative *selfish and inconsiderate * Someone who try taking all my energy and efforts that my other loved ones around me start craving for my energy and efforts. They absorb and generate toxic emotions and try injecting them in me and take my positive energy and leave me drained
Before this article I felt like I was being hard on my friends for telling them I had decided that I didn’t want to be friends with them any longer in this upcoming school year. This revelation that I should separate myself with them was when I was meditating on the relationships I was carrying and realized my friendship with them brought me more anxiety, lowered my self-esteem, and I also felt that I had to be someone else for them in order for them to like me. Never really felt I could share my deep thoughts and feelings and believe me I tired but all I was left with was feeling uncomfortable. My friends have asked me reconsider but I don’t think I can go back after knowing how I really feel.
I was proud of myself when I recognized covert hostility in a new ‘friend’ and detached from her without a word. It was very simple – I knew I didn’t need anybody to behave that way around me. I had gone out of my way to help her when she took a swipe at me because she had not slept. She dumped on me or tried to, without cause. Unwarranted aggression is always a giant indication of immaturity and not a good sign at all.
If you have a friend who is toxic, and you tell them they need to change, you will then be tagged as toxic. And if their approaches are too rude for you and you tell them that, they will say they feel like walking on eggshells around you. So if you don’t like how your friend treats you, you can tell them but you need to observe if you feel that they are treating you better or they are burdened by having to treat you better. “i feel like walking on eggshells around you.” And if it’s the latter, you just need to let them go.
I hand pick my friends & choose to keep my friends that I already have, regardless IF it’s long distance friends. So, many people are quick to hurt someone, just to get where they want in life. Their lack of self-love, self-respect & integrity/character is evident in their relationship. However, with age comes wisdom & maturity; I choose drama-free, genuine friendships, rather than drama & fake friends. No doubt–you cannot put a price on peace of mind.
I stopped being friends with my best friend about a year ago. She was treating me with disrespect and she was doing something and when I done the same to her, she insulted me and got angry. That was the last day we talked. I am a person to apologize even when it is not my fault, because I value other people more than few words, which happened with her at least 4 times before that, so I decided not to humiliate myself once again for someone who doesn’t care. She never apologized. I made some friends since, but there is nobody that can be my best friend again.
1. “Had to establish best friendhood” all of a sudden. You don’t know at the beginning whether it is good chemistry or bad chemistry. 2. Started belittling her, using another “best friend” as a comparative tool. 3. Toxic friend telling her “you know, you really shouldn’t…” or “you know, you have to change that. 4. Urge to take a step back, feeling of constantly walking on eggshells. 5. Self-worth wrapped up in the relationship. 6. Tons of energy/time devoted to worrying, when to call, when are they going to call next. 7. Friend venting and walking off or hanging up immediately afterward. 8. Making ourselves sick with outrage & anger, sadness, grief over the failure of the friendship to be mutual & supportive.
I think the key part to this TEDxTalk is when she was talking about becoming best friends with herself and people naturally came into her life. I think you can avoid a lot of toxic relationships — platonic or romantic — if you work on building the relationship you have with yourself first. Obviously over the course of your life friends are going to come and go for various reasons, but I think it’s important that you always value yourself first. I don’t think that’s selfish and I think it helps you in the long run. I am a firm believer that you are the most important person in your life, and obviously friendships are important, but you can’t become a doormat and allow people to walk all over you. The people who truly care about you understand that you are a human trying to get through life too and will respect the space you need and respect when things get chaotic that you need to take care of yourself and your needs first before them. A true friendship needs to ebb and flow and give and take and should never feel forced.
This exact same thing happened to me a couple years ago. It’s incredible how similar toxic friendships are to each other, even with entirely different people. Thankfully, I cut the friend out of my life instead of the other way around. After that I felt like I was walking around without this weight that had been on my shoulders for years. When you feel freed after ending a friendship, you know the friendship was toxic.
Yep! Happened to me as well. The thing about the 2 flawed friends is If one of them is narcissistic/borderline personality disordered they will probably listen to you about your flaw’s then exploit them as weaknesses. I’m better off being my own best friend due to meeting more then one person like this.
my so called best friend just stopped talking to me one day. Didn’t answer my calls anymore and we haven’t talked since June 12th of this year. He would often criticize his other friends, and say not so nice things about them and I knew he was doing the same thing when it came to myself. My point is that him not answering my call was a blessing, truth and knowledge about friends and people that will stay with me until I leave this earth!!
this doesn’t apply just to friends, these can be signs of toxic relationships within families, whether it be between parents and children or between siblings etc. and it makes it even harder to leave a relationship like that behind because of the backlash you’d receive, not just from that family member in particular, but from family and possibly friends too…it’s really tough 🙁
i have a toxic friendship and really hurt me a lot ..but what i learned is to forgive her so that i can feel peace .. and then i felt this was lesson for me so that don’t love someone that much .. don’t make anyone enter your inner circle of self esteem and confidence, it’s not about people are bad, they are weak and they can use the power of love to take advantages of you .. there is a deep point in your heart that can’t be touched by human .. this point is your hunger to love and feeling safe .. no human can saturate this hungry point expect God who is not changeable .. who create us and knows our deepest fears and needs.. this is all human relationships pains about.. you can have a balanced, happy and rich relationships if you put them within human boundaries.
It’s almost to late when you get out, I’ve been there! I know now * I knew after a few months things were changing, but it took over 20yrs years to get out, * It just did, you get frightened, nervous, your in jail, you work but you come right home, don’t talk to anyone,. Get the meal started,,keep quiet and busy, when your kids grow up you get stronger, and then you make a move, and deal with the damage
Here is the difference between your so called friends, and enemies. An enemy, you can always trust to be dishonest, and will take advantage over you whenever they get a chance, an enemy will never break your trust that you have towards them While a friend, you can’t trust what they can end up doing to you, because you don’t know they true inner intentions, so they have a chance to back stab you when it serves their selfish needs
Excellent, Dr. Sharon. This is relatable to most on so many levels. We must discover that the relationship is toxic, move on, and be happy with our new lives. But there is one thing — the memory of the toxic relationship, even once gone, still lingers — still festers — still simmers — and most of all, still hurts. I’m not sure how long it takes for that feeling to ever go away. But we sure try, don’t we?
The way I got the bullet out of my head was to write a letter, years after the fact, telling her what I really thought of her and enumerating her flaws, I didn’t pull any punches. She never did with me. This person is a malignant narcissist so I know it cut her to the quick. It allowed me to let go of all of the toxic anger and contempt I had been carrying with me for years. My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner.
I would say the best way to tell your are dealing with a very harmful person to you, is when they are bored and distracted when you talk about your hopes and aspirations. But the COME ALIVE when they talk to you about what is on their own mind. Most predators can only think about their own hunt and their own pain.
Getting dumped by a friend was devastating. We were best friends for close to twenty years. It took a while for me to realize – okay, a long while – this person never liked me as much as tolerated me. I thought we were peers; she thought she was better than me. No relationship can survive that kind of imbalance, and it re-wrote my entire address book. Friends who knew her thought I was at fault, and friends who didn’t know her were shocked by some of the more tawdry bits of the story. I learned a lot from this.
I ended a few toxic friendships and I was relieved. But a couple years ago, I was lonely and I became friend with someone who was very nice to me. But I noticed she drank a lot and I wasn’t sure I wanted to maintain the friendship. But because I was lonely I continued to stay friends. Then one day she said some hurtful things to me. She started hanging out with another lady. I had no idea what I said or did. When I confronted her she denied she ever said those hurtful things. After that she ignored me. I was very hurt. I read somewhere that toxic people will hook you and then hurt you. Never ran into that type of person in the past. Usually it was someone who always had some sort of drama in their life and they never changed. They call those people energy vampires I realize now that I did nothing wrong and she was the one with the problem. Really bizarre. It took me a long time to trust people.
I finally believe this toxic person is not my friend. I let her go. It feels good right now. No more wondering, giving the benefit of the doubt. Just, detach. let that train run. I’m pulling into my station. I can be my better self without the weight of it. I’ll see over time how my friendships grow. I did the whole friendship with myself and doing all sorts of things I enjoy. I saw my toxic friend and it’s like putting water on your birthday cake.
Everything she explained about her toxic friend is perfectly how’d I explain the situation with my toxic friendship. She’d talk to me about her problems and never really cared about listening to me. I was always walking on eggshells around her because of how sensitive she is and I would always watch how I said things cause she always took it anything I said personally. The one time I opened up about my feelings she blew up at me saying that “i’ve been distancing myself” and comparing me to her other friendships. The next day she was weirdly cheery towards me and would say hi to me when we’d pass each other but I stoped replying. The next day she messages me “why were u ignoring me, i hope that was my mistake, but i want you to at least communicate that to me, you’re one of my best friends i want to put this behind us and if it’s because of problems at home i understand and you don’t have to talk to me about it, i just want to talk.” The audacity of her blaming the way i was acting towards her “because of problems at home”🙄 when in reality it was just because of HER. Anyways i responded telling her how i felt and that i’d like to talk things out, and she literally never responded back. So she never cared about listening to me. Her friend group has been causing me issues and i can’t get over her audacity. It sucks but i want to get rid of that bullet in my head cause now that i think about it she has been stressing me out without her even intending to. i just gotta move onnnn from the 8 year long friendship 😊
So sad that very less people understand it because they’ve never been experiencing it… I wish sometimes I had a friend to talk about my old bad,,friendship” but I am also very thankful for the existence of such articles. Believe it or not there will be somebody else one day even if at first it is only yourself and you.
Her story hit home. I met this one girl when I first entered university, she was so kind at first, making me her friend among her other friends. Not long after, it changed, she bad-mouthed (criticize) her friends a lot to me, and at some point, I knew she did the same about me to the other friends. With her, it was always other people who have bad attitudes, never her. It was always her that talks almost all the time, sharing her problems with other people, her problems with her family and many more. it was always her who vent out her heart to me, but anytime I start talking about my problem she would changed topic, all the time and start talking about other unimportant things. She did tell me to change myself multiple times, the thing is I love myself. So, after 8 months of being friends with her, I stop. I stop talking with her, I still listen though, she talks a lot. We only met a few times now, because we are on the same campus, but every time we met, she would criticize me. It put my confidence down, she drags me down mentally. It’s a load I have to carry, mental load. Even after a year apart, the mental load is still there, I don’t know what to do. How do we confront toxic people?
Toxic friendships is codependency at it’s finest. Symptoms are: feelings of walking on eggshells. Ghosting feels like dying. Withdrawing affection to manipulate the other person. Make you feel guilty all the time… You measure your worth based on his/her perception of you. Healthy relationships/friendships is when you are independent and comfortable with your relationships. You accept them for who they are and they the same of you. No manipulating, no walking on eggshells, no codependency, no toxicity. I know, I’ve been through that.
A lot of time I was blaming myself because as she said I felt like “I was having to walk on eggshells” and it sucks to feel you have to reach the acceptance of who you considere your best friend. And the end it doesn’t matter how much you effort, it will never be enough for them. When you stop liking somebody there’s nothing you can do to change that. Thanks for letting me know I was in a toxic relationship, she told me that much to change that I wasn’t feeling myself anymore
A simple formula I teach my subs who ask. How do you know when it’s time to drop someone for good. It is very simple with me and I had to downsize a few friends even though we had been friends for over twenty years–because people change with time. Sometimes it is you who changes for the better. And people you are around may not grow with time and you simply lose commonality with them. I’m not talking about finances–I’m talking about growth. Years ago I was a toxic person. And so were people I was around. I changed and they didn’t and a few years later I realized I actually dreaded going to see them and was relieved when I left—and that is your sure sign you need to drop someone. And it is hard as people do have feelings even toxic people. But as Jim Rohn once said–“you are the sum of the qualities of the five people you are with the most.” Gaining excellence requires you surround yourself with such.—Hope that helps–Charles
I think I kind of half figured this out but this REALLY brought everything into perspective. I used to be that desperate person who would stick to someone like glue the moment they showed me kindness. I was a lonely kid but, now, I have friends. And I don’t just have one group if friends, I made my whole class my friends and it’s so comfortable having a ton of friends because you never grow tired of them.
Yeah I’m over the friendships I’ve had. In retrospect, I see how toxic it was. The ” friends” never respected that I’m intoverted and don’t jump to sit on the phone for hours. They would badger and be mad at me. I noticed when I gave in more to the demand it was never enough, they drained me. Now I’m done and disappointed but at peace I cut em off.
I was in a bunch of bad friendships. Criticised, helping and being there for people who mocked me and such,Being lied to and more. I wanted to heal after just running on a hamster wheel for so long. Heal myself to not be so codependent and desperate, and speak up earlier than wait so late when things have spiraled out of control
I recently cut off myself from 3 toxic people in my life – my mother, my father, and a former best friend. You know when a relationship is toxic when you want to change or do something different with your life, but the people around you refuse to do the same and want to bring you down with them, or don’t care about the suffering you’re going through. I have a best friend, we both have BPD and we both are moving toward a positive direction together.
I remember when two years ago I had an eye surgery and after coming back home from the hospital I couldn’t go outside and use my phone fire two weeks. after those two awfully boring weeks when I felt extremely alone the first thug I’ve done was I texted my best friend saying something like ‘hey, I finally can open my eyes without feeling the pain’ and he texted back ‘why the hell you haven’t texted me’. he knew I had an operation, that I couldn’t go to school and go outside, that I fear bad and he still accused me for not. texting. him. after that I decided to stop interacting with such a selfish person who didn’t give a damn about my feelings. these two years were the happiest years of my life, I ceased feeling sorry for everything I thought I’ve been doing wrong and started spending my time for my own well being
This has helped me so much I’ve just left a toxic friendship of 5 years that ended after my friend called me and my partner screaming down the phone at us when we finally stood up for ourselves. This Ted talk rang true to me. I think it shows that even when you’re there for someone and you care about them and listen to all their problems they can still throw it back in your face. Like what happened to me.
I have a close friend, she helps me a lot and never acts so selfishly. But the thing is that she hardly realizes her verbal bullying can kill other’s heart. Her words make me feel insecure about my appearance, I told her many times that I didn’t like it at all, but she keep body-shaming me all the time.
Doesn’t matter who the toxic person is in your life, brother, sister, mother, father, best friend from elementary school, boss, co-worker, pastor, priest, teacher, doctor, WHOMEVER it is. GET RID of them. Dump them. Do it. Now. Once you withstand the onslaught of them trying to get you back “in your place” and you are free of them you will fall in love with life again just as you did when you were a child. I performed multiple surgeries on myself to remove “bullets”. Wow! Life is grand! When I dumped the toxic people in my life (it took a while, some were family members) all my lost passions and talents came back.
I had someone I thought was a friend who was very critical of others over minor things right while he did far worse. After I saw this I could hardly stand the bias behavior anymore. After talking to him about this I realized he did not want to look at himself or his faults. I now know that one sign of a toxic friend is they cannot admit they have faults and they can only take praise. One day I mentioned to my friend that a father and husband should look out for his kids and wife first before buying things for themselves that they did not need. I did this in a really nice way by explaining how my dad was and how it hurt our family growing up. (My dad came before everyone else all the time). My friend had just bought another $500 part for a new gun he was building while his family was “doing without” in almost all areas. This was his 3rd $500+ purchase of gun items in just a few months (not to mention other junk he bought) and he already has plenty of guns. He purchased this right while he was letting his wife and kids drive around on bald tires on their minivan at +55mph. They justified the tires by saying, “we don’t have the money” and this was right while his wife was saying they did not have $400 for their private school books they needed. I also learned his family was getting food stamps. After mentioning this issue to him, I quickly found out he is not a friend after all or at least one someone wants to have. I also came to realize that he was not making a mistake in his life, his selfishness was on purpose but hidden from his family.
I’ve been walking on eggshells for around 15 years. My toxic friend would always steal my ideas and call them his own. He’d even take credit for my ideas when people would call him creative. I was always constantly being corrected. I was gaslighted and felt like I was nothing and losing my mind. I recently discovered this link between my toxic friendship and my depression/insecurities. I invited my toxic friend over yesterday. It was horrible. I recently got a new couch and my toxic friend said nothing other than “You owe me money” – even though I paid it all back a few months ago so it turned into an unpleasant argument. I was also criticized for not being ready to go out because he’d planned on working while in my area – I’m not worth seeing otherwise, apparently. I was screamed at in public and gaslighted. Yesterday morning, I’d been in a good mood but he turned it into a headache. I woke up late for school today because of him and so; yesterday was the last day I’ll ever let him belittle me and destory an otherwise good day.
This is a great topic, and there must be alot more to express about friendships, and, so-called, or, bogus friendships. I had a friend for seven years, and I mean every day. She seemed like a sociopath. I knew it. I overlooked all the signs, like that everything she said or did was disingenuous. It was like, I stayed too long at the fair. I enjoyed myself, being with her, more than I enjoyed her. Anyway, she ended up trying to arrange for me to be crossing train tracks at exactly the same time a very fast speeding train was to be flying by. God saved me. She thought I was dead, and was laughing excitedly, like a crazy nut. I ran back down the hill, and she was shocked that I was still alive. My advice from this is to follow your instincts. Please.
I got mad at my friend because I felt like he was pulling away from me. I said I hated him and blocked him. I unblocked him and apologized yesterday and told him my insecurities make me feel everyone is leaving me because they think I’m not good enough. I told him I needed a friend and begged him to give me another chance. This was the first time I’d ever done anything like that. I don’t have many friends as it is. I begged him to be there for me and understand I am trying but he said no. He said he didn’t want to be friends and didn’t care that I have issues. Friends are supposed to be there for you, especially if you mess up just once. I try not to be insecure. If he only was like “I see you’re upset and didn’t mean telling me you hate me. I will be your friend and support you as you become secure. How can I make you feel secure?” If only he said those simple words I would have felt better. He threw it away
My “friend” always made jokes about my looks, my intelligence, my ethnicity, my patterns of behavior: even my driving. I laughed it all off because I’m a very self confident, strong person and I needed a friend so badly. I always was there to listen to very detailed descriptions of every person in her extended family’s troubles: I knew all of their names, their kids names, where they lived, what they did for a living. I listened to it all, and I helped her deal with the emotional rollercoaster that her toxic family constantly had her riding on. She, however, probably couldn’t even list two of my sisters names or tell the slightest detail of their lives. I knew her friends, and where they lived, her kids and where they lived and what they did: and I knew all of the problems that she had with all of those relationships too. I was always there for medical advice (I’m a health professional), I was there for her if she or anyone in her family was having a health crisis with constant prayers, support or professional advice, but never once did I ever feel supported emotionally by her. Once, I divulged a very painful thing in my spouses life which affected his adverse treatment of me at times, and she completely ignored what I had shared: like it didn’t matter. Never once did I go to her with any of my problems: I would’ve felt uncomfortable and afraid to do so. Our relationship was very once sided: I was the strong one, she needed my support and leadership and leaned on me constantly.
This time I was the one to ghost. You don’t realise why people ghost until you have to do it one day and there’s no other option. You keep communicating your problems and feelings and the other person stays arrogant and doesn’t want to listen and then you realise there’s no point in further explanation this person doesn’t care for you the way you do for them
This “be your own friend” advice sounds like toxic positivity to me. Try saying that to someone in solitary confinement. They’ll still go crazy but they’ll also think you’re clueless. Need for companionship is real and it is valid. Like need for food almost. We’re social animals and no amount of “advice” will change that fact.
The real challenge with this comes when that toxic “friend” is someone you work with, and are forced to spend time with on a regular basis. Then your only choices can be to either grin and bear it, or become a toxic “friend” in order to defend yourself. It becomes beyond tiring after awhile. Brings new meaning to the word “frenemies”.
I cut a group of toxic people recently after I realized they were two faced teal snakes who played me and one of my best friends. They act so confused and innocent all the time trying to guilt trip me but I’m not scared of them anymore. My best friend and I reunited after 2 months of not speaking to each other and we’re happy.
I just ended a friendship that became very toxic ! In any relationship if the other person makes you feel bad about yourself and says hurtful things it’s time to end the relationship ! You have to be able to be your own best friend . There’s a difference in being alone and being in solitude and I don’t mind being in my own company, Love yourself ❤️
I had a friend that had double standards and got jealous/petty all the time. One big thing was when I was honest with my feelings, he’d make me feel guilty every single time and kept telling me to be in his shoes. He was also allowed to do certain things but got mad when I did them. Got mad at me for not inviting him personally to gaming sessions when I asked for people to join and he didn’t answer. Sent me paragraphs every night for a month complaining about something I did wrong. And after a year he apologized. I accepted it at first but changed my mind because I started getting stressed whenever I’m around him. He took the apology back and said he’s glad to not have me around. Glad I left cause I was beginning to pick up his toxic traits…lmao
I’m astounded by how much this sounds like my relationship with my ex-friend. It’s been about a week since I cut her out of my life and I’m surprised and delighted to learn that other people have experienced what I went through, even though I wish nobody had to experience it at all. It helps me feel like I’m not crazy. I’ve done a lot of research into narcissism, gaslighting, emotional abuse, etc. in the past week and it has all lined up perfectly with how my ex-friend, who I thought was my best friend for several years, had been treating me. I’d been incredibly depressed for months because this friend would straight up ignore my texts unless she wanted to talk about herself and just kept insisting that it was due to my own social awkwardness… and I believed her because I thought she was the amazing friend that I wanted her to be and that she wanted me to think she was. I’m still picking up the pieces and trying to figure everything out, but it feels so great to find assurance in articles and stories like these. Thank you, Sharon (if you read the comments here, who knows) for sharing your experience and insight. Thank you all in the comments for doing the same. It’s an incredible tragedy that anyone should have to go through this kind of thing, but I think promoting awareness and discussion can save a lot of people a lot of worry.
There’s this “friend”l that I just… talking with them makes me feel so bad and wrong and annoyed. Being with them started to feel like a chore, something I needed to do without question because if I didn’t, they would beat themselves up, or at least I felt like they would. Then, they started to remind me of things that deeply hurt me, pushing me to watch and say things I didn’t agree with under the guise that “if it was uncomfortable, it meant it was fun”. I just backed away. I became distant, but I tried to still be polite and answer in a way that was short and to the point. And quarantine helped me so much as an excuse not to see them at school. But I dread the day I’ll have to. They care about me and see me as one of their only friends, and I feel like if I just say “please don’t try so hard to do things for me or be extremely buddy-buddy”, they’ll blame themselves for the rest of their lives for “everything being their fault” or confirming their idea of “always ruining everything”. I can’t wait for the day I move away from my country next year. Because at least then, I won’t have to feel guilty anymore and I’ll be able to start again without the weight of being responsible for their mental stability on my shoulders.
I’ve just dealt with ending a friendship with someone who exploded on me when I told her I couldn’t help her with her problems. She blamed me for her depression and compared me to her abusive family. The thing is, I never really liked this person. She was impossible to be around; I just felt so bad for her because I know how it is to drive your friends away because I once did. It was a really humbling experience because I had a lot of “aha, yeah, that was me 20 years ago” moments. I ended up realizing that I don’t have to pay for my past mistakes by putting up with someone who does the same things but can’t figure out why everyone distances themselves.
I come back to this vid often not only to heal from what my toxic friend has said to me but also to check my own behaviors. The friendship that ended left me with a lot of insecurities and trust issues. It has caused me to not open up as much to my close friends now and it always makes me take a big step back and just observe my own behaviors. My friend is going through a tough time with another pal and it has left us with less time to spend together. Obviously, initially, I was hurt, but I had to reel myself in and know that not everything is about me. Yes, I need support, but I have other friends to help me so I can help her through this tough time. I appreciate how this article not only puts the blame on others but encourages us to check our own behaviors and change the way we act to cultivate really meaningful connections even when things get very tough.
I have one of these. I had many over the years but this one still lingers. It became normal to me to be criticised, mocked, ridiculed and insulted. When I start talking about something new I am really into and she isn’t she tells me to stop talking about it. Or just tells me she has to go and hangs up. I pretend I am ok with it. If someone new talked to me that way I would likely walk away, but here the patterns have been established for almost a decade. It became our dynamic. She talks about her other best friends a lot. I hide my hurt and jealousy.
I had 12 years of toxic relationship which almost destroyed me, she made me feel guilty all the time for everything. I had to move to a big ciity because of my mom and she refused to visit me, not even for a day. But I was to visit her for weeks at a time. She took everything and gave nothing and still made me feel like it wasn’t enough. This year I had the courage to just let her go, and end our friendship, because it was just so toxic.
I had a friend who depended on me and i trusted her too. But every time something wasn’t as she wanted it to be, she used to lecture me or worse – shout and scream as a way to express her anger and resentments. It took me a while to see that this wasn’t a one time thing that i accept, and when i starred to put boundaries, she started to look for everything bad i did or just ignored me, talked about me with others behind my back. It takes a while to realize you have a bullet, and now I’m trying to heal and put ot behind me, because I don’t deserve this kind of friend, i deserve more
Why Adults Should Play Playing is a very important means for development. When we play, we develop new relationships and connections. While it is common knowledge that children need to play in order to develop, which is why we buy them games and put a lot of effort into working out the most suitable games for each stage of their development, it is not so clear with us adults. We do not really like to play. Our relations end up quickly deteriorating into each one of us degrading the other, which ends our playing. As a result, we miss out on a lot of what we can get out of life. We fail to examine all of our options for development as adults, and we thus put a halt to our further development. We have turned our daily lives into a prison of sorts. That is, we need to look, behave and talk in certain kinds of ways—and only in those certain kinds of ways—otherwise, we will not fit in with others and gain their respect. Without their respect, we get treated in ways that harm us. We suffer from living in such a prison, but it has become so ingrained into our lives that we cannot escape from it. The essence of our playing as adults should be that we treat each other positively even if we do not feel like it, and to teach others to do the same. Playing in such a way would emulate the higher state of positive connection that nature is developing us toward, and we would thus draw positive forces of connection that dwell in nature into our relations, and start feeling happier, more confident, and that our lives are purpose-driven.
If you really want to know who your true friends are, you will know that when you have a true health crisis. I had a major accident 2 years ago that I nearly died from. Sure some ”friends” showed up A FEW times at the hospital and rehab…but then months later they slowly disappeared. It’s very hurtful at first but since they are going to treat me like that, then I just won’t pay much attention to them either. My true friends that really stick by me are those that I grew up with and have known my entire life. Don’t put ones energy on those sloppy friends. Put all your energy and positivity to those that have been there the whole way through, during your lowest and after your lowest.
The best message on the talk is to be your own best friend! only then you are truly independent and your wellbeing and happiness depends on you only. While it is true that having strong friendships is good for your longevity and health, having toxic or dysfunctional friendships is harmful for your health. You can also have a dog for company! they are the most loyal, loving, afectionate friends!
There are too many needy people out there. The 1 thing I am working on is upping my income to ensure I can maintain my independence without the need to ask for help. It’s better to be independent, self sufficient and depend on yourself. Putting things in place to maintain that. I’ve met some strange people recently who started that criticising thing, telling me what to do and I just completely said – see you later – it didn’t take me very long to suss them out. I made it really clear – I don’t want you commenting on my personal life all the way I live.
Ahhh yes i left my toxic “best mate” about 3 months ago now and ive never felt better honestly if you feel its the right thing to do just do it, i really dont mean to sound cliche but you really only live once and if someone is holding you back LEAVE its hard at the start but it only gets better trust me and dont be a sheep.
I’ve got social anxiety disorder, i’ve been to counseling for this and it helped me at the time get out of my toxic friendship but emotional abuse is mentioned there so if you look up that online you’ll also find some self help there too. Wish I’d known the signs, now I do however and haven’t fallen into one of these friendships as such since. 🙂
Was looking up the topic of toxic friend, but I think this is more about incompatibility than toxicity. Toxic friends are those who don’t have your back when you need help, and they don’t want to see you succeed or improve yourself. Toxic friends are the ones who are selfish and cared more about themselves, and ending the friendship with hate and bad things they contrived. Toxic friends are those who say things that limit your potential. Some friend try to give advice and as long as those are good advice, and that should be fine. I would be happy to learn from my friends. I’m okay with them expressing their opinion and talking things out if I don’t agree. Setting boundaries and learning to not internalize a friend’s negative feeling is important. I think the fact that her friend wanted her to change was because of incompatibility. In addition, what kind of changes? She never mentioned if these changes are positive or negative. Calling that toxic doesn’t make sense when there are way more toxic situations than this. If you don’t want to change or someone who disagrees with you, then it’s fine to let the friendship go.
My sister in law is the reason I met my husband. She was always the type to be your best friend and then drop off the face of the earth for a new boyfriend or a new best friend. I made excuses for her for year until I had my second child. We had gotten really close (or so I thought) prior to that and was excited about the perspective of starting a new chapter with a new baby with her by my side too. Didn’t happen. As soon as I became pregnant, she began to change. 4 years later and things are worse than ever. She never answered calls, responded to texts, but yet would call and text and expect you to respond like nothing happened. My feelings were invalid to her. When she would call, I would answer as I found myself somehow wanting to connect ugh her despite the disregard she’d shown me. She would have some kind of gossip to say about people she knew (I didn’t really) and then the moment I would begin to speak about my life, she’d literally hang up the phone. I’d wait thinking something happened and she’d call right back but when she didn’t, I’d call back and .,. No answer ever. My last straw was when I decided to follow my dreams and travel the world with my husband and children. At first, she just wouldn’t talk about it, she’d get annoyed if I spoke about it too. Then when we’d leave on our trips, she suddenly was interested and “missed us” but when we’d try to article chat with her to show her the things around us, she NEVER answered. She’d never respond as to why she didn’t answer either, just respond 5 minutes later like nothing ever happened.
OH MY GOD!!!!!! This really hit home!!!! I don’t have words to describe how relatable that was, she nailed it right on the head!!! It’s taken me nearly 4 or 5 years to get out of a toxic friendship and I’m so happy to say that I ended the friendship last Sunday. I’m healing and getting better, like she said “extracting the bullet”.
What an amazing speaker! I felt like we were sitting down for coffee on the weekend. I can’t thank you enough for the part where you say you’re looking in the mirror and decide you’re going to be your own best friend. I learned so much. Thank you for being so vulnerable as that’s what made the talk so meaningful. A+ job!!!!
I have spent most of my life contacting my friends and it always being one sided. Three years ago I stopped contacting them and as a result I have very little friends now. I am trying to rebuild my life and am getting there but at times my loneliness can be quite painful. I am trying to promote my art being a struggling artist and doing an MA as well, trying to make new friends but it can be hard. I just want to send you all my love to you who especially feel lonely out there.
There are also not enough people talking about the rights & acknowledging and having boundaries, each individual rights when it comes to walking away from a toxic friendship & not convincing a friend to not be close to a person that have been toxic to me and my life at one point. At first I couldn’t accept or understand the kind of situation whenever I see my friends are still friends with people who have hurt me mentally. But later as I read more and more resources about emotional quality & emotional intelligence, I have learnt / learned and will try to understand that no human being is 💯 / perfect. Have you seen a quote that says something like “Hurt people, hurt people”? Yeah so I understand it this way, I will not take away the right of choice anyone I care have… including how they can be friends with people I don’t click & don’t get along with. Example: I had bad experience with person A, doesn’t mean person B has the same bad experience with person A. So there is no reason for me to break person B & person A ‘s relationship. However, I also have my rights. I have the choice to not to be around them when they hang out for the sake of my own peace of mind. Basically knowing & creating my own boundaries & this is part of a personal growth. And I make sure to be honest to my friends that I care for the genuine reasons why I won’t wanna be around if they hang out with the people I don’t wanna be around with. I’m grateful for the maturity levels of my close friends though, they understand me and never invited me to a gathering that includes certain people anymore which I’m happy about.
Although I think that this is a very important subject I don’t think Dr Livingston makes a good case as to why her friend was toxic, in fact after perusal this I couldn’t help feel that she has some unresolved mental health issues herself; the fact that she had an issue with her other friend having another “best friend” raises alarm bells. She ends this TED by saying that “a really good friend, is a good egg that is slightly cracked”. Why is that? Is that because you need your really good friend to be broken because of how you feel? How about a really good friend makes you feel more of the best of you, one who you can be authentically yourself, and they in turn are authentically themselves, who is truthful, respectful and reliable. I am fortunate that I have really good friends who have been in my life for decades, when we connect I feel valued, seen, enlivened and loved. The two toxic acquaintances that I recently removed from my life ( which is why I landed here), made me feel drained, exhausted, misunderstood, misaligned, CONFUSED and constantly sad. One of them was almost certainly on the narcissistic spectrum and was just constantly outright rude and abusive and after 10 years I just had enough. I tend to be pretty tolerant and kept making excuses for their behaviour, one day I woke up to myself and thought – life is too short- NO MORE – the fact that I also had other very healthy friendships make the contrast even more stark and I had to ask myself why did I allow this to go on for so long.
I recently reconnected with my best friend of 3 years and we apologized to each other for all the hurt we caused each other. However, I quickly learned that she wasn’t truly over what had happened between us. Although she said she had forgiven me, although she apologized also. She would give me extremely high highs, and then ignore me for days, weeks. Then, apologize to me for behaving in that way. Right now we are currently at 2weeks not talking. I have reached out to her and i got left on read or short plain responses that are only one word in length. My other friend gave me a reality check, she said “you’ve given her so many chances, how many more times are you going to let her treat you like that?” It hurts but I need to let her go because she doesn’t realize what she’s doing.
This past year I went thru my contacts and probably deleted a third of it. “Fair weather “friends I call them. “Hey do you know anything about garage removals? Do you know any body that works for this place or that…”. The friends that you KNOW only call you when they need something otherwise u won’t ever hear from them. Those folks! All gone. And the friends that call you bcuz their marriage is failing and they don’t know what to do. They need to be talked down or to vent for 3 hours. And you’re there becuz that’s what friends are for and one day if you need them they will be there for you, right? WRONG ! Lmao. Done. When you KNOW that a person is calling u to request something … then it’s time to boot them. It may not be something literal either. Or tangible. It may be to blow smoke up their butts or to pump up their ego for something or other. A psychological stimuli service needing friend. Lol. One that calls you to hear themselves speak about .. themselves. These people I have accrued throughout the years. I am usually a very effective and self reliant person. I happen to be struck ill and was almost completely incapacitated. You know not ONE of the people I had been there for was able to help with anything. When all I really needed was someone to talk to. Just to not feel so alone and isolated. And you know who the people that WERE there thru the thick and thin? They were friends and old partners that I have had for decades and have been there for when they went thru some serious times.
I came here to make sure that I wasn’t in a toxic friendship and i’m pretty reassured. She cares about me, and is there for me. Sometimes I feel a little bit awkward or uncomfortable around her, but it’s just me being self conscious because even though we are the same age she’s a lot smaller than me and I think she’s a lot prettier, too. We’ve been best friends for five years now, and I really don’t know what I would do without her.
The thing about perspective is if you dont allow yourselves to view things through other peoples eyes you fail to see things objectively. Context is everything. New perspectives can reveal a completely opposite understanding and regularly does. If you cannot empathise with someones emotions then you are not friends, but if you can, you still need to be able to give and receive hard truths. Friendships are strong when they are built on honesty and empathy, but honesty must take precedence for it to be a genuine friendship.
I had a friend who told me a lot of bad things about her. I mean from adultery in the military to provoking her baby daddy by calling him the N- word etc. and her negative mood started to overcome me and i noticed i was arguing with my husband more over little things that i wouldnt normally get mad over. Then something happened and i removed her from my life and now my husband doesnt get yelled at over little stuff anymore.. crazy but i learned my lesson.
I see a lot of comments about being open minded and being careful not to focus too much on the faults of others, but I think the point is that if you have a friendship that is a stand-out, where it seems to be a heavily one-sided (even if you are the ‘energy vampire’) then it’s probably not the healthiest relationship for you. I was in a long-term friendship that started out great. At first it was refreshing, fun and very enjoyable. Over time though, my friend seemed to to become possessive in some ways. She also became hyper-critical of how much I was or wasn’t doing for her. For a long time I tried to be a better friend by taking her ‘advice’ and trying to do the things that she needed, but that just seemed to make her need more and more from me. At some point I realized that she was much more a ‘taker’ than a ‘giver’ and I began to evaluate the relationship. I compared it to my other friendships, of which I have a few that are very long-lasting and fulfilling. My relationship with this friend was different from all others and in some not-so-good ways. One New Year’s day a few years ago, she texted to tell me Happy New Year (which was very nice) but then a litany of texts followed telling me in detail about how I was not meeting her needs and expectations. I couldn’t believe what I was reading – it was almost like a spouse rant. I responded by telling her that I was no longer comfortable in our friendship and I ended it. I have never regretted doing so. I am a happier person without her in my life and I’m pretty sure that she’s happier without me in her life, too.
Some people need friends, some don’t. Figure out how God has wired you. If you are wired that you need friends, your true friends are those who are there for you when you’re down. If you’re wired where you don’t need friends, have family friends, high school friends but don’t try and be something you’re not. Jr
I had a friend who I knew from high school. We didn’t become good friends until college. Our friendship started out great but then I started noticing certain things he said. He always wanted to one up me. Then, when we both didn’t get into medical school, I apply for a masters in public health and I thought he did too. I got accepted and he said he didn’t apply to that school. My point being, his lies get worse after that because he can’t stand the truth so he makes up more lies. He tends to gaslight me a lot too. I never confronted him regarding his behavior because I know his act. So,I just walked away. Sometimes, I feel guilty about it but I’ve noticed i feel better without him. He was an energy sucker.
Ive had many heartbreaks from friends who i really cared about that used me or neglected me but i also learned to see my mothers pattern of giving too much and then being angry that people are not appriciate her giving enough.. i guess i never saw this personality trait as a bad thing but now i see that this makes the codepandancy thrive.. how to get out of it? too much anxiety around friendships