A repeating Tarot card in a reading signifies a message or lesson that has not been fully absorbed, which can be deeply significant to both the reader and the reader. This phenomenon is often seen in multiple spreads, suggesting that the subconscious mind is sending a crucial message. Tracking tarot pulls is a powerful way to deepen one’s relationship with the cards.
When a specific tarot card appears persistently in a reading, it could mean that the meaning or interpretation specified by that card is being emphasized over and over again. If both readings were for the same person, it could mean that the message is something worth exploring or a message that needs to be addressed.
The significance of unknowingly pulling out two or more tarot cards during a reading is a matter of personal interpretation. When drawing the same card repeatedly, it is likely that it is repeating because we have not yet fully understood and integrated the message. Repeated cards or combinations are usually an indication that you are misinterpreting them, and they will keep appearing until you understand.
To avoid misinterpreting the cards, it is important to establish your intent before drawing them. Instead of using just one deck, consider using two or even three decks if that’s what you feel comfortable with. Three easy-to-follow tarot card spreads have been created to help you use just two cards in your readings.
📹 How to Make Them Call and Text You Every Day
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Why do I keep getting the same Tarot card?
The occurrence of a Minor Arcana card on more than one occasion may signify the persistence of a particular energy or challenge that requires further attention. Such cards may be perceived as waiting, unable to pass by, or watching over us for safety. In the event of receiving a repeating Minor Arcana card, it would be prudent to consider the reason for its continued presence and what it might seek to achieve, were it a house guest. One might consider what it is that they desire if they were to knock on one’s door.
What are the odds of picking the same number twice?
The probability of rolling a number twice is six times the probability of rolling that number on each individual roll. This results in a probability of rolling a five twice being 1/6, rather than the more commonly cited 1/36.
What is the luckiest card in the tarot?
The Wheel of Fortune is a card in a tarot deck, the tenth trump or Major Arcana card. It is used in game playing and divination. The Rider-Waite tarot deck, developed by A. E. Waite, is a key figure in the development of the tarot and forms the basis for many modern decks. According to Waite’s 1910 book Pictorial Key to the Tarot, the Wheel of Fortune card carries several divinatory associations.
How many cards to pull for a love reading?
The “Compatibility” Spread is a tarot layout designed to help you gauge the compatibility of your relationship with your partner. It involves drawing seven cards, creating two rows, and placing one card at the bottom to sum up your connection. Card 1 represents your needs and desires in a relationship. Tarot cards can be used as a compass star to find heartfelt connections. They can be used to reflect on your relationship, troubleshoot love, find a new romance, celebrate self-love, and more.
These spreads can help you navigate the challenges of love, whether it’s meditating on your current relationship, mending an old one, or attracting a new romance. Some spreads even help you fall in love with yourself. If you’re ready to experience Cupid’s arrow and swoon-worthy epiphanies, try one of these spreads.
Is it OK to pull Tarot cards for yourself?
Tarot readings can be done by beginners, providing insight into current situations, honoring intuition, and forecasting potential outcomes. To begin, clean the energy of your space by burning herbs, ringing bells or chimes, taking a bath, or using crystals. A Selenite wand is a popular energy refresher that aids clarity.
Sit comfortably and close your eyes, focusing on the protective energy surrounding you. Take deep breaths, think about your question or needing guidance, and keep your mind and heart open to the answers that may come through the cards. Shuffle the deck, focusing on your desired query, and shuffle the cards in front of you. The pattern laid out is called a “spread”, and the meaning of each card in combinations builds up to the overall answer to your query.
Before beginning to shuffle, know which spread you will be working with. As answers come through, it’s important to draw additional cards for further clarity or start with a new question from a different perspective. Tarot readings can be a powerful tool for personal growth and understanding.
What happens if you do too many tarot readings?
The warning signs for excessive Tarot use include a neglect of responsibilities, a sense of powerlessness in the absence of readings, and a loss of touch with reality. An excessive reliance on tarot can result in procrastination, poor decision-making, and a deterioration in personal relationships. It is erroneous to ascribe a higher-than-human power to Tarot cards; rather, they are a tool that enables the individual to gain insight into their subconscious mind, thereby empowering them.
Should you pull a tarot card daily?
One method of establishing a routine for tarot practice is to pull a card each morning and record one’s thoughts and reflections on it in a journal. Additionally, touching the cards may prove advantageous. Nevertheless, a more elaborate configuration, such as an Instagram tarot spread, may offer a more visually appealing alternative. A well-executed morning tarot spread is an excellent way to commence the day with a tarot reading, instilling a sense of excitement and anticipation.
What are the chances of pulling the same card twice?
The probability of selecting the subsequent card is identical to that of selecting the initial card, given that all cards remain in the deck. Consequently, there is a 1 in 52 chance of selecting that specific card once more.
How many tarot cards should I pull a day?
Tarot cards can be pulled one or three at a time, with the choice of three depending on the individual’s relationship with the cards. Interpretation is the final step in daily tarot pulls, as the cards do not predict the future but rather explain the current vibe. Tarot cards offer free will, allowing users to work with the information or choose not to. The deck contains 22 Major Arcana cards, numbered from 0-21, which are important and karmic lessons in life.
These cards point to big feelings, emotions, and decisions, starting with The Fool card, which signifies beginnings, and ending with The World card, which signifies endings. The cards are meant to provide insight or read situations for clarity when needed.
How often should you do a Tarot reading?
The author suggests that at least a month should be between readings for clients to ensure their cards reflect their growth and progress since their initial reading. Some clients may only need a check-in once or twice a year, depending on their needs. The author emphasizes the importance of finding a reader who aligns with your reading cycle and being respectful when a reading may be “too soon”. The ultimate goal is to provide the best possible experience with the cards and the best bang for your buck. If the cards don’t change due to “too soon” or lack of work, it makes for a boring and useless reading for both the client and reader.
What does it mean when tarot cards repeat?
In a Tarot reading, repeating cards indicate that the meaning or interpretation specified by the card is being emphasized over and over again. These cards may indicate that a situation or scenario will have a lot of weight in the events described in the spreads. If the card describes a situation, it might signify that this situation will be a major turning point or central scenario, and the other situations described by the reading will be influenced by it.
Repeating cards can also help identify the time frame when other related or non-related events described in the spread will occur. For example, in a reading for a client, the Justice card (↓) popped up repeatedly across the different spreads, indicating that the client was not acting upon his decision. The client admitted that the interpretation was true, and the cards seemed to tell him that most of his troubles and hurdles in life were primarily caused by his inaction with regard to his decision.
Repeating cards can also be indicators of time, especially when they are Major Arcana cards associated with a particular Sun Sign. For example, the Emperor card, associated with the Sun Sign Aries, was mentioned in a reading for the client. When the card appeared, the client’s intuition led the reader to believe that all the events described by the surrounding cards were most likely to occur in Aries time. After Aries time had passed, the client called the reader to discuss the interesting things that had happened to him in April.
In summary, repeating cards in a Tarot reading can indicate that the meaning or interpretation specified by a card is being emphasized over and over again, suggesting that a particular situation or scenario will have a lot of weight in the events described in the spreads. It is important to note that the interpretation of repeating cards may not always be accurate for everyone, and intuition can be the best guide in such scenarios.
📹 “Bad Texter” or Just Not That Into You? | Matthew Hussey
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That’s how I treat all relationships. I’m proactive about taking the next step towards that potential friend/partner. But I do it with a more “experimental” mindset. So if they don’t take a step forward, no big deal, I take that step backward (or end the connection). Casual friends stay casual. Distracted men lose my interest. I don’t pay attention to what they say to me when we’re together (or on social media). I observe their behavior: do they initiate a text conversation, do they invite me over/out, do they ask me about something I told them the last time we were together. If they’re not making an effort, then I don’t waste anytime on them.
As a 64 yo woman – I can guarantee Matthew is giving you all a BIG head start – I have wasted so many years being quiet, and waiting for the other person to lead. I recently reached out by making it very clear to a guy that I liked him – leaving the ball in his court. I have not heard from him again – but I am not left wondering “what if”.
I actually feel like I did the right thing. I asked a guy out for a second date last Monday. He said yes. And then Tuesday I asked if Saturday worked for him. Didn´t hear from him since then, so a friend of mine asked me out to go have drinks with her on Saturday, I waited until Friday to confirm and because he hadn’t replied yet. I got annoyed and said yes to her. This guy appeared Friday night saying Saturday worked fine for him. And now I just told him I made other plans because he took 5 days to confirm. I still don’t know what he will reply but even though I really like him I’m tired of being a doormat and waiting for guys to confirm a stupid date. I won’t postpone other plans because of you.
It’s an art. If you’ve never done it successfully, I can understand how this might confuse some people. It doesn’t mean you will get the guy. It means you are what you want in a partner, if they don’t show you the same-you have your answer. Save yourself the time, fire em or just don’t give ‘em the position at all in the first place. The trick is also to be living your best life. If they are your only source of pleasure, you will get addicted just like a drug. You need to get a life first ☺️
This just confirmed what I was feeling with a current potential relationship. I’ve been modeling the behavior I want to get back (asking about him, keeping conversations going, calling him, etc) but he doesn’t give it back. I communicated my concerns but no changed behavior. Now I’m in the mirroring phase and he isn’t hearing much from me, and he wonders why I don’t reach out to him. He expresses interest, sends me a good morning text and makes an effort to spend time with me, but makes zero effort in asking me questions or wanting to get to know me. Now he just wants that instant gratification of just having someone there when he needs attention or is feeling lonely. What a waste of time…
It’s crazy how by working on myself and finding peace within being alone, facing my issues, having standards etc… I have found the best relationship I’ve ever been in. One that is stress free and « chase » free while still loving and fulfilling. We’re together but I’m still my own individual, and if it ended I would be incredibly sad but I I know I would get back on my feet. Over the years, your advice has truly helped me and opened my eyes to my relationship to myself and to others. Love these conversations 👌🏻
I did that, I did initiate with the guy, I did show my interest, I even told him I liked him, I always kept conversations cheeky, lively and interesting, I did come over with ingredients for spagetti so we could cook together, I did suggest we do something fun. All he cared about was casual sex twice a month. After 2 months I had to let him go and I can never understand how so many women spend a lot more time than that. Sometimes there just isnt a good reception and you have to move on if the guy clearly makes no effort and keeps making excuses for this to go anywhere. Thats the problem with modern dating- guys have too many options or they think they do, so no wonder he just “enjoys you” rather than wants to create something meaningful with you. And tbh apart from lovebombers I havent experienced the “men want to chase”. They learnt they dont have to do it anymore, they can just swipe. We destroyed positive masculinity. Shame
I totally get what he is saying here but I’ve learned that when a man wants you, you won’t have any questions bottom line. You won’t have to worry about texting because it will be reciprocated. I also learned that anytime I was in a situation like this that If the guy wasn’t reaching out then he just wasn’t interested in me. I’m sorry but men aren’t that complicated, You’ll know when they are serious about you the rest is just in between bs!!!
“It’s on you if you mistake my vulnerability for desperation. And you’ll quickly learn that you’ve miscalibrated here if you mistake my initial proactivity for desperation.” I vibe with this. I feel confident being vulnerable with new people on dates, because I feel very secure in who I am. This is almost always a good thing, but I also don’t hesitate to check out if the other party doesn’t reciprocate.
The word needed here is “vulnerability.” She asked what do women do when they are worried about looking like they are pursuing or chasing a man by reaching out. This is where we as women show the man that we are NOT afraid to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable (to a healthy masculine) is extremely attractive to a man. It will even help him be more vulnerable. It takes practice, and can be done in small ways, but it can exponentially move a connection forward and help for a deeper connection. It takes bravery.
22:25 “I saw how great I can be in a relationship. I saw just how wonderful I can be as a partner.” These 2 sentences gave me so much confidence and shelter even though I broke up 2 and a half weeks ago. Thank you so much Matthew for all of your articles and advice and motivational speeches. You have and will help many people with their lives daily. We apprieciate it <3
I love this advice…Model the right behaviour that one wants to see couple of times before deciding to mirror them. In other words, be balanced to avoid regretting your conduct later👏 But then, even after giving your best, if the person can’t match your effort then walk away with the understanding that this person is not the right partner. Nothing to take anything personally here..just that it’s not the right fit. And modelling the right behaviour doesn’t imply one is desperate. All it shows is that one is putting one’s best foot forward to assess the compatibility . One is trying to evaluate the potential of the relationship to decide if one should continue pursuing this.
This is so true. I’m not someone who takes risks when it comes to relationships however after perusal this, it’s good to know that if you’re being a good role mode in a relationship and it doesn’t work out, it should not make you think lower of yourself but continue to maintain until someone who reciprocates comes along ❤
Lately I’ve been doing my best to practice this in my social life (dating and otherwise). I’ve had some people express interest in seeing me only to stop responding as soon as I’ve proposed a concrete time. It’s frustrating and makes me worried that I’m doing something wrong, but I also believe that my time is valuable and I want to spend it with people who want to be there. Who else here can relate to this?
She is soooooo right. PEOPLE like to ‘chase’ or engage. I just asked my now 26 year-old son and his friends about this and they all agreed that they were not strangers to women having their own feelings and wants etc and that it is more than perfectly acceptable to them for a woman to initiate an engagement with them. They just haven’t been raised in a world where the women in their lives were silent doormats who had to sit about with empty hopes forever and ever. Take a chance, live your life! That’s what they say. It’s your life to live and yours to lose, too. Don’t let it go for some outdated, dinosaur ‘rules’. They expect women in their lives to initiate when and if they want, voice their feelings/wants/needs and they appreciate the communication. I am proud of them! And those of us that have raised these young Men (not permanent infants).
I can’t thank you enough for this article. I sent “hey wanna talk on the phone?” That’s IT lol. And we ended up talking for hours and it turns out he was super nervous about reaching out since we only hung out twice while he was visiting town and wasn’t sure it meant as much to me. I love your point about underestimating your part in it. I prayed for a sign and then this played and I’m so grateful it did.
22:25 about looking at past relationships & finding confidence in how much you can give in a relationship is something that made me thankful about my last relationship. My 6-yr long relationship ended 8 months ago. Although it was sad that it ended, I came out in awe of how loving & devoted I could be as a partner. Before meeting my ex, I never thought I was capable of long relationships at all. Now I feel confident & unafraid to be proactive or take risks to find my person.
Great vid! Every interaction in every relationship is dynamic and never static. I believe in showing interest and making intentions clear, I always treat potential partners fairly and with respect, so long as they do the same. If the way they treat me changes negatively, I simply withdraw and allow them to figure out what they want… the further away they go, the less likely I am to show interest. People need to learn to value peoples character as much as they value physical appearances
After trying all the “how to make a person” do this and that by you doing this and that, I’ve learned that simply you can’t force anyone into doing and feeling anything for you. You just be the best version of you for you, and the right person will “click” with who you are. Some people will be fortunate to find a partner that will last for the rest of their lives and other will be fortunate to experience love with partners that will last only for certain time in different degrees. Let’s enjoy life however it unfolds instead of waste our lives “making people do things, so that they can fall in love with us”… Love and great vibes to you all!!!
The mirroring and modelling is fantastic. It makes sense to me, I’ll set the standard by modelling and if that isn’t reciprocal I’ll discuss it with said person, failing that then you’re clearly different and that’s OK. Needs are not being needy, it’s how you like to communicate, be confident and respect yourself. Both people should be pulling eachother up, nobody should be lowering themselves to meet someone else level, you’re going against yourself and you’ll be unhappy.
I think that everything discussed here is healthy advice to follow – I particularly loved having a woman on here too, so thank you, Audrey! I will say this though, I think a good general rule is this: “If he likes you, you’ll know. If you’re spending time trying to ‘interpret signs’ or if you’re confused, then he doesn’t.” Is it technically more mature to first briefly reach out and model exemplary behaviour before moving on? Yes, probably. But I feel that, unfortunately, if you’re at that point then it’s probably not going to work.
I’m the one that says hello to everyone and most respond positive and very few don’t say anything. The ppl that don’t respond or acknowledge me, I just let it go. It use to bother me but haven’t walked in their shoes. I hold the door for everyone and a lot of females don’t say thank you. More men say thank you then women or girls.
This article is SO good for those with anxious attachment 😭 I’ve been sitting around waiting for a text from him & “hinting” that I would like one by liking his Instagram stories & whatnot, but without actually ever just texting him myself….it’s so hard to shake the feeling of ‘neediness’ & ‘desperation’ as a woman, but setting the tone is so actually so empowering. That way if it doesn’t work out, it’s on HIM for not meeting my standard rather than on me for feeling too insecure to let myself be vulnerable & show someone that I like them. Thank you for this ❤
That was a really good podcast. I really like Audrey’s input bc she seems to understand the subtle intricacies of how us women get unsure of ourselves inside of our own psyches about how we come across to men, which can be very paralyzing. She really broke that down and got to the root of that internal quandary quite succinctly, which many of us have a hard time verbalizing. Thank you, Audrey. That was very helpful. You guys make a great team. God bless ❤️🙏❤️
After listening to one of Matthew’s episodes I heard what he said about going along with the culture of going along so I took the lead and had the conversation about “when you think of me I’d appreciate a text to feel connected even when we’re both busy. When I don’t hear from you for days it tells me I’m not a priority.” He told me I am a priority and really heard what I said and now texts me after his long days to check in. Clarity in communication is so incredibly important. And with that, I realize when I get the texts my initial response is “is he just texting out of obligation” which shows me I need to continually remember my needs, the fact I asserted what I need and he is meeting them. I suspect we often assert needs then feel bad for it which is a tough mind set to adjust though not impossible!
Yoooo that last bit got me. I remember thinking I gave them MY BEST, the best version of me. I’d never been so kind and thoughtful and empathic to someone b4. And I thought my best just wasn’t good enough. But u kinda brought light to what was n the back of my head about it. That I was PROUD I could b such a good partner. They just weren’t the right person to give it to. But I learned there’s more love in me than I thought I would ever be comfortable enough to give
Matthew, this is pure genius! If you’re confident and fullfilled enough to initiate/model a move, it’s analogous to giving, you’ve got enough energy, resources, etc. to share, not because you’re desperate or needy or anything. So, you’re doing it from a completely different mentality when you’re in a strong position and ready to take a no for an answer and stay fine and go on living your wonderful life. Love it!!!
thank you, this is what I needed ! I modeled, I gave a lot of effort and responded quickly to their texts. always eager and flirting through text. I never got any reciprocation and was left on read for days, went on for 2 weeks like this.. now I need to regain my self respect. If they want to treat me as a side piece, I’ll treat them as one too. I went out with a new guy and I feel better already. if they come back, then they come. but I’m not waiting for his texts all day anymore
Wow it’s so cleansing hearing all of this. Grew up around narcissistic parents that I still have to be in contact with, along with being surrounded by a lot of negativity in my greater social circle. Have had a lot of low self esteem, desperation and reactivity in my relationships. Great point, to focus on being real, authentic and giving it my best and confidently evaluating if the other person can do the same. I need to listen to this like, a thousand times.👌
The last 2 mins was the best… Give your all then you can a) see how great you can be in a relationship and have no regrets about wondering if maybe it would have worked out if you tried harder… It’s the only way to play it and is paradoxically easier to move on afterwards than always wondering if you really messed up. You can walk away proudly knowing that they just were not right for you or didn’t deserve you.
What makes me laugh about these articles is I get caught by the flashy, quick-fix, almost superficial title–how can I get him to text me every day!–even if I cringe at myself for clicking for that reason–and then find that I instead get a substantial feast of wisdom and that the answer is ‘You CAN’T get them to text you every day.’ Well done as always, Matt! I love your nuanced, classy, healthy advice.
For me, it’s an easy answer! If that guy cares about you enough and think you’re the right one for him. He will do everything to let you know you’re special person for him no matter how busy he is. Not chasing or investing to the man just because you’re afraid them will ghost you. And please don’t pretending you’re okay if you have to change yourself just to impress them. Because it’s not gonna work out.
A woman who always sits back and let’s the other people initiate, will never be directly rejected. If a woman starts initiating with people, even if 80-90% always say yes to her, she’s still getting rejected 10-20% more often than she ever was before. I think this reinforces the idea that men like the chase, and don’t like it when women make the first move. Men who make the first move get rejected by women pretty often, but no one says, “yeah, women don’t like it women men make the first move.” It’s interesting to ask ourselves why in one case not always getting a yes is proof we shouldn’t be proactive and put ourselves out there, and in the other it’s not. It might just be that rejection sucks and we’re looking for a way to justify not risking getting rejected by saying that being proactive actually makes men dislike us.
THANK YOU for this!!! I’ve been mirroring and that’s resulted in both of us texting rarely and only two or maybe three words. When I started modeling, it’s been a huge turn around. I thought to myself “I don’t have anything to lose at this point by being authenticate ” so I started texting him the way I would want. He’s very responsive. ❤❤❤
Wow wow.. Model the behaviour you would want a few times before mirroring. If you have high standards, and an internal attitude, you become vulnerable intentionally to gauge their level of communication or if he can deliver. If it turns out they can’t match your actions then you leave happy that you tried….no big deal..but if you become vulnerable to see if they like you and find out they don’t..you will feel afraid which is not good. So be confident in yourself and intentional .. Thank you so much for the synergy and having the Lady there to think for ‘us’. She did a great job.
My best relationship we both put in effort and energy. Not every guy does this, I do want someone who will see me as a priority instead of just an option. If someone doesn’t want to be there, they won’t. So when guys pull away, I look at my life on where and how to use my energy. Maybe there’s something I need to do that is more constructive that I can do.
Another awesome topic! I realized that I have been putting myself out there when I text him, and though he doesn’t reply immediately, I have the self respect to not be the toxic one who sends a hundred more texts. Mirroring vs modelling. I’m really enjoying all these, I’m so glad I found your website Matt!
I think it’s related to personality functions and even MBTI; people who are naturally with higher extroverted feeling (Fe) are usually the ones who reach out to other people. People with more introverted feeling (Fi) usually keep to themselves. If you have to force yourself to change your natural personality functions to make the relationship work, it’s a sign that your personality functions are naturally not compatible with the other person’s.
I’m talking to this guy I met on a dating app and we’ve been on one date, which I feel like went well. Not much texting going on since until almost a week later. He asked me to come visit him and we would have met and hung out at his place, but I told him I didn’t feel comfortable yet going to his place since he lives alone and we’ve only met once. And I asked if we could meet somewhere else, we live about an hour and a half away from each other. His response was “Well when I’m in your area I’ll let you know.” I was trying to set boundaries for myself, which I’ve never done before and his response came off as defensive that I didn’t want to be alone with him…
Thanks for this article.. It was so timely in answering the question I needed answered. Constantly I am being told ‘’do not chase the man, let him chase you’’. But through my own conclusions I had thought well what if that man struggles reaching out and takes your ‘’no contact’’ as lack of interest? My friends did not seem to have a straight answer. I had only just messaged a guy last night that I have a date with to touch base. I know very well his time is at a premium being a father of 2 kids and working a busy role. I did not want to intrude on him but also noted that he was vulnerable this week sending me a message early on.. But now I can walk into this with a bit of clarity over not having to mirror.
This reminds me of my manager-employee relationship at work I’m facing now. I’ve been putting myself out there so much and for so long, that now it became a behavior that’s expected of me.. I was doing this in effort to gain points for potential promotion within my department, and now, after 2.5 yrs of consistently offering my time (even forgoing my vacation trike) I’m finding myself quite hopeless and discouraged from displaying any type of consideration 😞 it’s been a rather tough last 6 months of asking myself “why am I always putting myself out there ..?” Love your perspective! Thank You for all You do! Cheers from Orlando
Yes we definitely need to flip it it’s ok to be rejected that person wasn’t meant for you and your not going to reject yourself we forget that we are whole in complete on our own it’s ok to leave a relationship it’s not the end of the world yes it can be hard but it doesn’t have to be it’s making a choice to choose to let go to and detaching mentally emotionally and then physically I’m so proud of myself for letting go and leaving the relationships i was in And saying no more setting boundaries as I do work on myself the healthier i become I’m I’m learning all the toxic stuff I learned as a kid I’m healing I’m happy and I’m becoming comfortable with the unfamiliar ❤️ 🥰
I absolutely loved all this great info and insight! I recently met someone, almost two weeks ago on a “parent” dating site and him and I have text the entire time with the exception I believe of a quick phone call while he was on the road. He sends lots of voice clips because he’s on the road and so it’s easier for him to do that when he’s on the road. He text and let me know that he is not one to talk on the phone much because he owns his own business and is on the phone all day everyday with clients. We have our first date tomorrow and I let him know that it’s acceptable for now to only text. I plan on discussing this further on our date tomorrow. I normally am really big on communication on the phone early on but I think I let things slide because we have not met in person yet and as we all know sometimes after meeting face to face things can lead to not having a second date. I’ve been planning on how to go about discussing the talking on the phone issue. I have a pretty good idea of how I’m going to approach it. I’m going to speak my truth and not go around on how I feel about it and see what his response is. Ultimately there has to be a middle ground for us when it comes to communicating by phone. I’m not against texting but not as the only means of communication in between our dates. I’m confident in who I am and what I want and really what I feel is necessary to have a successful long-term relationship. I have settled in past relationships and will not go down that road again.
so brilliant Matthew – always well-thought out, well-supported points. You are born to teach. Thank God for YouTube for exposing us to smart people like yourself. Reminds me of the definition of success that I heard once (Oprah?)…”Success is when you are doing what you love & others (as well as yourself) are benefiting.”
Damn, his advice is good. Some of it scarier to execute for those of us who are not used to it, “modeling” but 100% agree it will get you the answers you need and move the needle at the very least. “it’s on them if they mistake my vulnerability for inspiration.” Love that however I do feel for myself and hearing what Audrey asked about does point to women typically being more concerned with coming across as desperate and that being a deciding factor in choosing not to “model” but rather “mirror” which is a shame. I totally agree with Audrey about being yourself, if you are your true authentic self and then you are rejected at least you know that you genuinely aren’t compatible. If you are faking or holding back then you will never know if it would have worked out with the real you. That is tragic to never know especially if they were someone you really felt something for. Love you both. Thank you for the excellent advice as always!
I was in a relationship with someone for 6.5 years. I tried to communicate my needs when things were reaching the end. For the longest I was upset thinking I wasted all of my youth years with someone who couldn’t give me the effort I put in. I now have a new respect and perspective and truly value myself for being so patient and giving him the space to change and to understand my perspective and needs, at the end he didn’t and I walked away in peace, I was able to use that relationship to grow and put my ego aside for us to work and he stayed the same all the years. I grew and left him behind, thanks for this article definitely made me change my view
19:40 preach. Make your confidence based on your intentions. Be the kind of behavior I want to see. See if they can deliver. I want a relationship with someone who can deliver. If I call or text you and you’re incapable of answering that makes you less interesting for me as a partner. My confidence shouldn’t be based on if you like me. Do not give into anxiety. If someone doesn’t respond to that in the way you would want to, you can walk away knowing you could not have done any better. I saw how great I can be. That should give me confidence.
This was very enlightening, and I appreciate the wisdom you impart. I am not 25 years old but 75 years young. Over this past year I have learned so much about myself, faced some hard truths, but know I am worth all of it. Putting myself out there has been the most difficult, but I am doing so by starting with volunteering. I do not have to have a partner, but will work towards meeting someone because I want someone to share my life with. A relationship with real connection, intimacy, compatibility, independence, interdependence, respect, fun, curiosity, and mutual support are the joys worth having in life. I am prepared to continue learning to live my best life possible. I value the work and teachings by Matthew and Co. Thank you for teaching me to be vulnerable, the butterflies still visit but I am making friends with them, rather than pushing them down. 🙃🤭☺️
Exactly this is what happened. He was texting me constantly for 2 weeks and we dated and it was beautiful. Then we had an argument and he changed from 100 to almost zero action but still keeps the contact with 2,3 messages every day. I just started mirroring him because when I asked him what’s going on he just said Don’t worry, I am just very busy at work. Some days ago a friend advised me to take the initiative and ask him to meet and he came immidiatly for a coffee but after that again only messages. I feel good about reaching out and being active because at least something was happening. But now I will not ask him again for a date, I just respond to his messages. I think it is a very weird situation and I started talking to other men
I like how he mentioned being prideful because hearing this out loud explained to me is probably my issue. I go into defense mode when I don’t feel he is putting enough effort in and then I close off. I was always told if he wants to be with you/see you he will make it happen. But I need to be more brave and model. If he still doesn’t react then stop.
I love Audrey! Thank you for being around and always speaking your mind — I find that sometimes I’ll have questions about the things Matt and Steve are saying (which are great!) but sometimes I’ll have follow-up questions or scenario questions that can only really come from the women’s perspective. So THANK YOU Audrey <3 Thank you Love Life Team 🙂
I think we need to come down to simple method – if we like someone go for it being proactive without compromising our core values which everyone is difference. If he/she responds well good for us, if not move on… at least we try our best and say it out aloud. Don’t make it complicated. The concept of no hurt feelings should be apply in our everyday lives in this already complexity world…
I was in my chemist last week and it was BUSY. So I sat down and started chatting with this woman. Somehow we got onto the power of simple human engagement. Saying hello to a passing stranger, talking to someone at the chemist etc. She said ‘You NEVER know the power this can have. You could change someone’s whole day just by being civil and nice.’ She is so right. Of course, some people are just cranky but it is important that we help create a good atmosphere in our world and it DOES make a huge difference and takes so little.
This is a great article. And before perusal this, I was in a similar situation and always reached out first. I didn’t have a problem with it because he was always responding in an reaffirming way. But if I had listened to my close friends, I probably wouldnt’t have that third date. Because they all said, don’t run after a guy, if he doesn’t call, don’t call him, you are the woman, he should chase after you….If it feels right and you don’t act desperate but want to know where you are standing. There is nothing wrong with reaching out. Modelling behavior is also how you educate your kids.lol
This is an excellent article. Very informative and so true. I’m actually having trouble making the first move because I can feel like the person is not too into me but I do nothing for improving the relationships at the same time. Hence, I have decided to call the person today. I’m calling him this evening. We’ll see how it goes♥ Thank you, guys! You are awesome JAMS.
Such an excellent article that I had to listen to it twice. I realize I have “modeled” the way I would like the relationship to be many times. He has not reciprocated so I have been “mirroring” his behavior and have often wondered if that was the right approach. He is not interested or is incapable of anything more and I need to move on. Thank you!
I think the key to dating or other things in life is to be curious and stay curious. You can never really control a person’s actions or reactions to what you do. You might be able to manipulate them once in a while, but manipulation is never right in a healthy relationship. What you can do is simply to be curious about the person in front of you, allow yourself to be surprised by them, as well as by your own self within that relationship. Being curious and staying curious will help you dealing with fear of rejection or failure.
Well, if you want the relationship to work out, it’s not just about yourself, maybe try to the understand your man . We’re all not perfect . He has also things to attend to . Just like me I’m busy most of the time and I tend to refuse if he wants to see me . I’m giving him the space he needs like he wants to see his friends . So it’s okay if it’s not 100% effort on me . Try to see the other side instead of expecting more effort from him . Stay calm and let it flow 😅
The part where Matthew says about being unable to deliver. Based on a phone call. If they can’t talk on the phone it shows they aren’t suitable and can’t deliver. GREAT ADVICE! I think this is what happened to me. I’m used to dating guys who never talk on the phone and I recently started dating this guy from England who likes calling me on the phone and I’m a little awkward at talking on the phone… I’m more of a Texter so I’m trying to talk on the phone but I don’t really call him because I lack the confidence… I’m pretty sure this is why our two month little relationship is fizzling out…
A man who loves a woman will not ignore her, period. So… If he ignores me I will step back and he will lose me. I don’t play any of these childish abusive controlling mind games. I will only be with a man who values and appreciates me, and treats me as the Queen, I AM. Because I am a beautiful and kind and sexy and wise and magical woman: who knows my worth. Period.
So wide as always Matthew. I’m a chameleon and have been accused at times for being like that. In other words that I tend to act dependant on how another person is. It can be seen as flexibility but I’ve had to learn to BE my own person more. So for example having an extrovert positive energy even if I see another might be negative or moody. I am more brave about doing that now. So this idea of creating the culture – LOVE IT. We can create the energy I guess. 🙏🙏👍👍
This is one of the best pod casts of all I have seen… it touched on subjects that are the ones we should read between the lines but sometimes don’t. I love that all three of you brought up things that we are all asking ourselves… so thank you so much… it just backed up everything I am going through in a long term relationship… thanks so much!
Well, he is reaching out to schedule dates, isn’t that proactive? When a girl doesn’t text back or takes hours together or goes with one word responses – it means either she is not a texter or extremely busy or not interested. So best way is in initial dates, for a guy not to turn her off, not bombard with texts and then of course one can’t text for hours.
This is absolute gold!!! I have dated from a limited perspective of letting others determine my worth and now again stepping out after self-growth and regaining my power for determining my own self-worth and the confidence that comes from that makes all the difference!! Wonderful empowering content! Thank you.
Hey Matthew This is the best most articulate article I have seen on this subject. Yes, when I got over myself and started being more open and willing to not be texted back things changed for the better. He often texts me first now and checks on me when the weather is bad. I went in with the mindset I’m ok if he doesn’t text back. Also be consistent with your inconsistency. Example be unpredictable. It also depends on the person. Thanks for the great info. ❤
Wow!!! I feel This is the single most important thing anyone interested in another, needs to hear! I cannot believe how much I learned just in the 3 ideas you’ve mentioned so far…”modeling,” “mirroring,” and the “pride” thing. I have actually just been taught what I recently did wrong, and that pride can ultimately prevent me from getting my intended result. 😮 You have wisdom beyond your years! Thank you so much for the words you used to express your thoughts.
You make such great sense. And the mirroring behavior and going tit for tat it’s just really low vibration. One person has to take action and the other person has to have the guts to show up and be vulnerable and for both parties to have reciprocity. there is a dance we do and people are testing each other’s boundaries in the beginning but I think it’s also really important to teach people how to treat you.
Omg this article meant the whole world, almost as if the universe wanted me to watch this! I always take a pro active stance at the start! I make the effort to text, or even ask the person out! Then subsequently text, ask hows their day but once that person stopped replying, did not reply or replies every once in a while without matching the energy/effort i put. I know that i can held my head high and say this person aint worth my time at all! And currently, now. Im seeing this girl! We are gonna be having our second date soon but with texting, we are texting every single day so thank u for this. It truly affirms whis modelling and mirroring part difference!
Omg this is me this week… had the best week of my life Sunday where it was 1000% mutual on the attraction and mental stimulation… where I instantly felt vulnerable. I have modeled what I wanna see but he’s been sporadic in calling/texting back. Today I decided to mirror his behavior. We ARE supposed to have a date this Sunday again tho. Hoping for the best bc when we were together it was f ing fireworks 😒
This is really good it makes me feel better because I’m always open transparent and vulnerable. I tend to meet guys who are UNABLE TO DELIVER or deliver initially and then are unable all of a sudden! God told me in the beginning of getting back into dating to BE MYSELF! I’ve been naturally modeling and the lack of reciprocity cannot stop me from being my best self in love! Currently I’m dealing with someone who can’t give me and I now realize I’ve been falling into mirroring! This was sooooo good and so confirming!!! I feel free now.
Love this article. I recently felt like I wasn’t myself and was closed off to this potential relationship, and found myself mirroring. It recently ended and it’s hard not to blame myself for not being my authentic self and lacking confidence. My question is, how do I get over this feeling of regret of NOT being vulnerable enough and move forward?
what i got from this article is that everyones advice or tips on how to get someone or date hoping for effort, is all just contradicting one another hence why dating is soo hard, i hope that we all just stop giving people who dont deserve out time go and we find the right person who likes us for us and if someone doesnt truly want us and is just passing time, i hope they have good enough character to just be friends and not lead us on or waste our time.. its exhausting honestly… i can barely keep up with any of these articles because i feel like most of us, have tried all of the things told to us and it just isnt that easy or as black and white. i wish everyone the best! <3
I find myself being a vulnerable male when someone catches my genuine interest, I take initiative and show it, with reassurance and caress … although, this always seems to backfire on me, she steps down or simply runs away, leaving me with a hole inside, blaming myself for my willingness to commit.
Honestly, Matthew thank you so much for this conversation and topic. Something that I’m challenged with for long time. How would you know when and where is too much modeling and when to stop that. As I found myself mirroring first and then modeling where often after I feel weird and confused on what should I do or not do? Thank you for all your work by now! You are of much value to all the people that want a partner in life. Thank you!
I love this. As a shy person who had to train in order to speak to people, I know that if you put two shy people in a room, nothing happens. And when an adult speaks to a shy child, the only way to get him to open up is to ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. As an older adult trying to date, it is obvious that the people I meet, thank goodness, have full lives already. Often aging parents and quasi-grown children that “compete” for the few free hours in a day we have. Thus, it is logical (and a sign of a caring person) that those closer to him are a higher priority than someone he still knows so little about. This is a good discussion because the world is not black and white. We think too much when we want more, when life is not only about us. And also this reminds me of the “BE the change you want to see.” Bravo!
Mirroring can create more problems, because it matches the same low vibration. Exactly, we need to model what we want alone and with others. If energies don’t connect love you well and move on! The other person might not be ready now, but might be in the future, if they aren’t harmful to you! That goes for anyone of us!
If i like a guy i tell them if i dont i tell them. If i want to be just friends just friends. If he is interested cool if not then move on. Its not complicated. Domt manipulate people into wanting you. Its a false pretense or model them. Bcoz if that man is going to be ur hubby one day or a long term relationship u wont be able to pull of with holding a script in you hand. Love is there or it isnt. The first rule of love dont go looking for it. Have fun with the person with people you meet. Learn from every encounter. Improve yourself thats it. Solve the root of the prob. And thats wanting to be love or taken serously. You cant have that if your cup is empty. In order to give to someone your cup must full. If you dont enjoy spending time alone then how do expect other people to enjoy your company? Or to want to talk to you again? If you dont laugh at your own joke or enjoy yourself in a restaurant? Or spending time with yourself. Being alone is not a curse. Its a gift and a company is a bonus. Your not oblidge to be with someone. If you enjoy your company then others will too. Thats what all coaches should be teaching not give script like this. I mean i love how your mind works and all but this is too much. Too much scripting. I had to say this. I dont want to offend anyone but this needs correcting.
Hi Matthew and team! The young lady who spoke really made some good points🥲 It resonated with me. I enjoyed the gentle shifts to perspectives she suggested we could have. Your brother as well ( I think he is your brother) made some excellent points. Thank you all! I am in exactly a situation where we have a “rapport de force” as we say in French and it feels beneath me. I am someone who likes to suggest outings (an organizer) however he likes to take his time – and I can appreciate that — I also sense he won’t be rushed. I need to step into and try to remain in my feminine energy and let him come to me, I get that. The truth of the matter is there are a lot of red flags. And I need to come to terms with that. We also an 18 year age difference. I have sent him text messages with my concerns and his response was to tell me he started going to the gym everyday after work. So my female brain went…am I too much? Why is he suddenly deciding he wants to beef up? We haven’t been intimate yet you see, and it’s been 5 months of a long distance relationship. When he comes into town – he works up north here on construction projects near the Arctic – he tells me he’s back for the week and then he only contacts me again to make plans to see each other the morning before he leaves to go back up north. Just writing it out makes me cringe.
This convo was absolutely amazing and imformative. Im currently taking things slow between me and a friend of 4 years. Weve had chemistry ever since we met but while shes attending chico state she has an apartment out there for the moment, and were currently testing the waters with long distance. Been texting everyday since we last seen each other in November. I think im gonna make the first move and give her a call this sunday since we both have the day off from work and shes already very comfortable w me/ talking to me. Any opinions on whether i should text her before hand letting her know im gonna call or ask if its ok to call? Or just cold call in the evening when i assume shes free
What a strange dialog in the comments. IMHO Be yourself, offer to the other what you wish for yourself (modeling, per this article). Men are often dense, and being kindly outspoken is a key in your favor. Offer and do to him what you’d like to see in return. Ask and advise him of what’s going on. See how much he is willing and able to give in return. Listen to him. He will tell you who and where he is (in his head). Men are not mind readers. Neither are women. Be kind. Be honest. Allow the other to not be judged as you listen to them. I’m one that only wants a friend in a certain way. It’s super awkward in dating. perusal these articles are helping me be more kind to him (whomever), and to myself in being ok in what I and we want. Love the shares. Thank you.
I wish that you would take up more information directed at young men. My young adult son would really like a girlfriend but is shy and we live in a small town with limited options. He had a bad Tinder experience… so he quit that. But even worse is the “caveman advice” that his dad gives him and I’m in the middle saying “No! Definitely DO NOT do that!” Followed by telling his Dad “That’s not how you were when you were chasing me! And you stole me from (someone else)…”
I call this “relational momentum”. In all of my friendships, I create a tremendous amount of relational momentum, which involves injecting a lot of energy into the relationship building process. Then I intentionally begin to taper off the amount of energy I inject and observe how people respond. Those genuinely interested in friendship begin to inject relational energy as a response. Those who only want to ride the wave of the momentum begin to taper off. My observations are that 99% of people only want to ride the wave of momentum, but refuse to inject their own energy. Invest time in people who want to invest in the relationship. For those who aren’t, let them go. It’s not worth it.
He makes so much sense! When I left my sons dad I was broken to say the least. Didn’t even try to date for 6yrs. Then the first guy I did try to date does a couple things I don’t care for. And I’m a single mom and my kids r off limits. Keep them out of an adult conversations or anything. When I see a red flag I run. Ik nobody is perfect. Lord knows I’m not. But as a mother and somebody who has been through some tough times I don’t wanna take to many chances. This guy has went to the extreme. And when he knows he ticked me off tries to buy my love. Yes money may be tight but it’s ok if I wait for a sale to get something. I don’t need help. I’ve learned to be strong and push forward. Idk. Maybe I’m just cold and a witch
Not everyone needs to be in constant communication. My partner and I have been together nearly 3 years, have an amazing relationship, but save our conversations for in-person. We text with info about times/dates/etc. We usually touch base daily and briefly, but I would feel smothered if we had to keep up a constant communication, and I think he feels the same.
It started off great, i was relaxed, he was responsive, and now after a month he’s definitely pulled back. I think i screwed up. I started to get panicked and couldn’t figure out how to o be that cool fun girl, i am use to being around him. I have known him for 13 years. I maybe tried too hard and sent weird responses to his messages and he kind of got the ick feeling. Last time i spoke to him he said I wish I was with him and missed me but Its been 4 days and no word from him either by text or phone verses a month ago he would say good morning messges and reach out. He responds less and less to my messges and i have also pulled back. Last 5 mins of this is gold. Wish you would expand. Not sure what to do.
I agree with Matthew is regarding the reaching out and lacking long-term perspective I believe that’s what he said sorry it’s early morning it’s called communication as long as we’re not doing it in some needy way or controlling weight or demanding way as long as we’re letting the man know what we need and what we’re looking for and not settling for Less
Great conversation thanks! One question…as yes, we always hear we (women) should be chased. If I am at very very early stage of dating a guy, and I made it clear I do not like chatting and even said in a funny way well, mobiles are also made for calls 😀 and if he still does not call…should I make a call as a surprise? I really have no problem calling at all, BUT I dont want to seem desperate because I am really ok with being single – I actually have a lot going on in my life other than dating 😅 so I am really curious but dont wanna seem desperate.
My takeaways – model good behavior/types of contacts we want to have -> there might be a reciprocal action – if modeling doesn’t work, mirror someone’s behavior to respect yourself -people’s behavior shows their intention/level of investment /priorities – don’t be over prideful or over proactive – we can invite people into our lives, but if they don’t meet our standards we can remove them / revoke access – if our truest/best version of ourselves isn’t right for someone, then they aren’t right for us
This person was not good were u good? Its about u,be proactive Dont just mirror Create your own culture Phscology=if u behave react first that will get reciporcal Be the culture Create the culture Invest how much they invest in u,not how much u like them Hey how was your day Thinkin of u Callin Can be defensive but we can do mirroring we be model first(that respecting yourself) Never start by mirroring that is self defensive Dont do too much U can reach out Never model too much Too much pride= crave Once or twice u can do modelling Ghost is on u confident got another plan I be the behave i want to see in u and will see u can deliver or not My confident is not based on your liking 19:27
The fact that we need these types of INSANELY detailed and intricate descriptions and breakdowns of dating prove how absurd it is. 100 years ago it was “I like you, you like me, let’s give this a go” Now we have to have this distinguished English gentleman break it down in a series of HD articles. I hate people.
Thank you for this. I know I was attentive, kind, and generous with the person I was dating. They couldn’t meet me there and were unavailable and hot and cold. I never got too pushy but would check in once a week to see if they wanted to do something together and they kept pulling away further and further. Not on me! Not worth my time or energy.